Newly bereaved

Hi everyone, 

Truly hoped I would never or at least not for along time have to be writing a post here, my husband, my rock my soul mate,my best friend past away early hours  on 16th December , I was able to keep all my promises to him, that I would be by his side at home,I'm probably luckier than most to have been able to have done this, with the amazing support of my young niece who is a district nurse, my daughter  and my sister, I feel lost, so numb almost like I cant feel at all,we had been together 18 years,married 12yrs,he was diagnosed 20th March 2020 with esophageal cancer with metastases to spine rib gastric nodes, he 3 cycles of his first line chemotherapy and herceptine, but the fatigue was awful, had 2 cycles of just herceptine, in that 8wks it spread to his liver, had one cycle of 2nd line chemotherapy and had inflammation of his lungs so had to stop,he slowly got weaker, we were told 10 weeks ago now further treatments, just symptom control, this cruel disease stole my wonderful husband in just under 10 months.

This disease is cruel and unforgiving, I now have to find a new normal and right now I don't know if I can, and to top it if I'm now in a tier 4 area, so feel extremely isolated.

Listen to me moan I'm sure there are people in worse situations than me and my heart goes out to all of you x

  • Hi ,

    firstly your definitely not moaning at all. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your Husband. Today i lost a good friend to cancer and have lost a few to covid and cancer this year, yes its a lot to take in. But what is important is to reach out like you have done, you have already done a very difficult step to take its not-easy to ask for help but never feel embarrassed or less worthy of support.I can see your in the new tier 4 restrictions and i am sure this makes it difficult to get support. The feeling of isolation is a very difficult thing to deal with but one thing i can say is here your not alone, there is always sadly really but there is always going to be others out there reading your story and go i can relate and now I feel i am not alone. Grief is a very difficult and in many ways very different ways of processing it. I wonder do you have friends or relatives that can support you even if at the moment its only by phone or video call? I just wanted to reach out and send you my condolences for your loss and sending you some gentle bear hugs.

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  • Thank you for your kind words,my little  sister  said I did amazing  to keep him at home and to be kind to my self xxxxx

  • Being kind to ourselves is something we often forget to do. 

    Big hugs

    Community Champion badge_GBear Xxxx 

    What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

    Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

    “let hope be your lighthouse beckoning you though stormy seas" - Jessica de la Davies

  • Hi sal 1 I am in exactly the same situation as you my lovely husband Jim passed away from stage 4 lung cancer on 22 December, I am glad you had the joy of having your husband at home, sadly we only had 5 weeks to come to terms with the cruel disease and all of that time was spent in hospital.  The first 3 weeks I was not allowed in to see him but thankfully I was eventually allowed in and was with him at the end.  What I find devastating is that he left home in an ambulance and never came back.  Like you we are in stage 4 so I cannot have any of my support network of friends in the house or get one of those all important hugs.  I thought I was doing ok until the funeral which was only on Tuesday 12 January and since th n the grief and loneliness can be overwhelming.  On Christmas Day and this morning I had to reach out to a telephone helpline for support as I didn’t want to make any of my friends or family upset.  I do find it very supportive to speak to someone.  The time I find the hardest is bedtime I am not relaxed when I go to bed and I don’t sleep well .  My friends probably like yours have been amazing by phoning me, meeting me one at a time for a walk.  My friends have told me to phone even in the middle of the night but I don’t like to.  YOU are not ALONE I for one know how you feel  Try to be strong we both know that it hurts so much because we loved them so much in time we will be able to think of them with less tears.