Loss of a good friend

Hi Emcath

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.  Regardless of who passes, feeling lost is a normal part of the grieving process. You were work colleagues and very close friends for a long time which is a very strong bond.  You can take great comfort from knowing that you kept in contact with her and were always there to support her.  This would also have given her great comfort and made it easier knowing that she had someone she could talk to anytime of day or night.  Did you have a favourite place that you visited together?  If so, go there, talk to her and quietly await any response.  You have to be open to let a response through.  If it doesn't happen straight away it may be within a few days when you hear or see something for the first time in ages (her favourite song) and that will be her way of letting you know that she is there and listening.  Maybe you could plant her favourite flower in your garden or the local park (with permission) in memory to her.  Talk to her often and ask her to give you comfort when you feel you need it most - you will be surprised at what responses can happen providing you open up to them.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

Hi Emcath, 

I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel. I know that feeling of being lost and feeling numb. I was in a daze for some time after I lost my friend. I smile a lot when I think of her (every day) though sometimes feel overwhelmed with sadness too. 

I lost my very close friend last year. It sounds very similar, she was told she had advanced breast cancer just 2weeks after being initially diagnosed. She lived for 4 years and remained determined but in the end she died quite suddenly and it was all so heartbreaking. She left 3 little girls and a devastated husband. I lost Mum quite suddenly 4 years ago and she was such a great support to me. I miss her so much. I miss her advice and how much she made me laugh. Life has felt very cruel. 

I try hard to think of the fun we had and always think of what she’d say to me when I’m not sure which way to turn.

Take care,