I can’t believe I am sat here writing this at the age of 36 that I have lost both my Mum and Dad. Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2016. After surgery, reconstruction, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and cancer drugs she got horrific news October 2018 that it was back. She also battled melanoma. I lost my Mum last Monday 2nd November with me and my siblings right by her side holding her hands. It was the most heartbreaking experience to witness as the end was very unpleasant and she really suffered til her last breath. I keep having that image and replaying it in my head. I long to hear her voice and have one of her squeezy hugs I long to kiss her soft skin and tell her I love her to smell her beautiful perfume. It is hurting so so much. I only lost my Dad coming up to 3 years ago I’m only 36 years old. I just feel so lost knowing I’m never going to speak to my Mum again or have them amazing hugs and feel that secure comfort from her. I know I shouldn’t cry as she would hate me to be upset but I am just so lost and heartbroken without her.
Well that’s my first week back at work done. So many triggers reminding me of such a harsh reality that Mum isn’t here. I’m absolutely shattered.
Have you managed to get a date for your Mum’s funeral yet?
yes the lack of sleep is harsh thankfully because I’m up at 5.15am for work Monday through to Friday and working 48 hour week I’m dropping to sleep a lot easier but when I was caring for Mum in her final weeks we were running on very little to no sleep then after Mum passed I would lay there replaying stuff in my head 
