Loss

Hi jo31270

When I lost my mum I felt as you do now I was in my early 30’s and had two small children, but without the added problems associated with Covid.

I couldn’t face looking at photos of her or sorting out her clothes, which my poor dad kept asking me to do, and it took me many years to come to terms with her death.  

Our mums are such an important part of our lives and as well as being mum they are often out “best friend” and no one can replace them.  

My eldest daughter, who was 8 at the time, found it easier to have a framed photo of grandma and grandad by her bed, it helped her, but I just couldn’t look at it.

You say you are trying to do “self help” but I think you might benefit from talking to someone on the Macmillan support and help line.   The number is 0808 808 00 00 and it is available from 8;00 am to 8;00 pm  seven days a week and it’s a free to dial number.  There is always a friendly voice at the end of the line and you can ask to speak to someone for support.

I know that many cancer support centres are offering support on line, sometimes by video link, and if you have one near you, it might be Macmillan, Maggies, or one run as a private charity - some are located on a hospital site or they may be in a town, but if you contact them they may be able to offer you on-line either group or one to one counselling.

I had counselling when I was having chemo, and when I lost a very close friend to cancer, who I had supported at the end of his life, and counselling really did help me.

I am now a grandmother and I still think of and miss my mum all of the time, but as time went by I did find it easier to deal with but if something happens that triggers a particular memory, I do still cry.

Take care, and I send you a hug.

VickiLynne

Dear VickiLynne,

Thankyou for your reply,  I really  apreciate your suggestions of help.    I have had some counselling which did help but think I need to find  some other form of counselling.  Having first looked on this site a few months ago when my mum was ill, I came back to it recently and reading through people's experiences is both heartbreaking but supportive at the same time as so many people are affected by cancer, and you don't feel quite so alone when you realise this.  But the void that she has left wiithin me is just so huge and I miss her so much. I miss having her to go to and her hugging me like only your mum can, and feeling like everything will be ok because she's there.  I've been told that in time the grief will not feel so raw and  it will be easier to deal with. Thankyou once again, and you take care too

Jo xx

Hi Jo

There is very little that anyone can say that helps at a time like this. Telling you that it will become easier in time doesn’t  really help at the moment, but it is true.

There was not so much support available when I lost my mum, but when I was diagnosed with cancer and was caring for my husband at the same time, I was at a low point, completely stressed out.    My support centre mentioned Mindfulness to me, and at that time Exeter University were just rolling out a new course  in Mindfulness.  There were two courses, one for people suffering from stress (which I did) and another for depression.  I had to get a referral from my GP and I did get on the course and I found it extremely helpful.  This was a free to access course with a referral from your GP.  

I understand that Exeter may now be offering these courses on line - and  you would like to consider this.  I will send you a ‘friends request’ and if you accept I will let you have their contact details.

Take care,

Lynne

Hi Lynne

Thankyou for your reply and yes I would be interested in the course,  I have accepted the friends request.  I can't begin to imagine how hard it was for you caring for your husband whilst suffering from cancer yourself.  You must be an incredibly strong woman.  How are things with you now?

Take care  Jo xx