9 weeks ago, I lost my mum.
we had no time to prepare for what was coming as her initial diagnosis to her losing her battle was only 1 month
I’ve been so busy with all the things that needed doing & all my time & effort has been going into looking after my dad that I’ve hardly had a moment to myself. I haven’t grieved. Not properly I don’t think.
as time is passing I’m so angry. Not sad, not whatever else it is your meant to feel.... Just angry.
angry that I didn’t get time to grieve myself (and the feeling of guilt that comes with that)
angry that I’ve been left to look after dad when that is what she was supposed to do. You know. Retire together, live the good life after working hard for so many years
angry I’ve been left to deal with all the complications that come with such a sudden illness & passing.
angry that we were robbed of so much time together
angry about the constant guilt that comes with feeling I didn’t do enough, I didn’t tell her I loved her enough. I didn’t spend as much as I should have with her.
angry that she has left me. She was supposed to be there for me and has gone.
The list goes on and on...
i’m just so angry, all the time, and my poor husband ends up taking the brunt of it,
i don’t know what to do with all the anger, Or if it’s normal to feel this way.
I mentioned wanting to talk to my dr, but my husband said he thinks it’s normal for people to struggle after something like this, so then I felt silly for maybe wasting the dr’s time over something that might be normal / typical.
So, I thought I could come here, be honest and frank about how I feel and hope that maybe someone out there feels the same, or can at least tell me if it’s normal & how to learn to cope with the anger and move past it to a more healthy way to grieve.
any help / guidance is appreciated
xx
