Losing My Dad - Small Cell Lung Cancer

Hi Zan1980 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Dad. 

It is very early days for you just six weeks ago and it will take a lot longer than that for you to feel the slightest bit better about the loss if you ever do.

My dad was older than yours at 82 but fit and healthy and still living very independently when he became unwell and had loads of tests none of which showed up anything at all then he had a fall at home and went into hospital. Whilst in hospital an eagle eyed Doctor sent him for  A CT scan  then and an MRI which picked up advanced Pancreatic Cancer with Liver spread and said that he had 2 months to live. I can appreciate what you are saying about being unable to process the little time that passed before our loved ones died. My Dad sadly died very peacefully 5 weeks later! Like you I would give anything to have my dad back and to speak with him again but I know that it is not to be. My only consolation and this may of some comfort to you as well, is that my Dad did not experience a lot of pain and thats  a blessing given his diagnosis and he died peacefully in his sleep.

Time will make a difference but right now your loss is so raw that you cant think this will ever happen but it will, but for now just grieve for your Dad and try to think of all the happy times.  Everytime I feel  like lm getting a bit morose and sad I think about my Dad and what he would say to me when I was like that when he was alive and it makes me smile and enables me to go on and your Dad will have equipped you with that quality I am sure but right now you wont be able to find it but its there and you will find it soon.

Meantime Im sending some huge big hugs your way for now. xxxx

Good Morning, thank you so much for your reply. I’m so sorry for the loss of you Dad. 

Yes, it’s very early, but I actually fed like I’m taking each day as it comes, I know my Dad wouldn’t want to see me like this. But it’s really very hard, so much harder than I ever imagined.

In the end, Dad was in a huge amount of pain and people say to me at least he’s not suffering anymore but selfishly I wish he was still here. I ended up suffering with an anxiety attack last night, everything becomes too much. I watch the trees blowing and I think I wonder where Dad is, it’s a huge emotional rollercoaster. I often sit holding my hand out, hoping he is holding my hand, madness it sounds but it brings me peace. I hope you are ok, thank you for taking the time to reply to me xx

Hi lovely, 

so sorry for your loss . 

not the same cancer but I’ve just lost my dad one the 15th July .  He was diagnosed last August and was told 9 weeks ago he had a few years left as treatment was going great. He had oesophageal cancer which had spread through out his lymph nodes. But 9 weeks ago we got told they had shrunk and 75% had gone. Little did we know on the 29th June his liver would fail and new cancer would spread so quickly. They tried to treat him but unfortunately things escalated really quickly and he just deteriorated so quickly. We got told on the 9th July he had short number of months to weeks left and in less then a week he was gone. 

He was 55 years old! Life is so unfair. His funeral is next week and we have been so busy sorting stuff out I’m just so numb I can’t cry anymore! I feel a guilty and I’m waiting for the grief t hit me but it’s just not. I don’t think it’s sunk in and I’m in such a horrible limbo. 

I hope your ok and if you need to talk I’m here. 

my little boys turns 1 on Saturday and I have no idea how to process the day and I’m dreading it.

Hello, I am so very sorry for your loss, really I am. It’s been 8 weeks, since I lost my Dad, and I’m still in a world of pain, trying to come to terms with it - if I ever will. 

I even went to see a spiritual reader, to try and connect with Dad. This disease is just awful, no words can explain it. My Dad passed away two days before my Son’s 6th birthday. 

I have made Dad a memorial section in my garden. Planted a rose bush, which he loved, heather to keep his Scottish theme alive with a personalised bird table which my children bought him, so I bought this back to my home along with ornament birds, he loved birds! This helps me, but also makes me shed a tear. I myself, have really struggled with grief and ended up on medication to try and help, as it’s totally knocked me for six. Try and talk to your family, and if you need to cry, then cry. Should you ever need to talk, please just contact me. Thinking of you, big hug xx

Hello, 

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm struck by how similar our stories are. My dad was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in April 2019 and told he had about a year, with treatment. He lasted 7 months , and the final month was awful, so really only 6 months with any quality of life. He sailed through chemo with no side effects, struggled with radiation, and had great success with the tumours shrinking, only for the cancer to start to grow and spread aggressively a few weeks later. He died in November 2019, 12 days after his 64th birthday.

Until a few weeks ago I wondered if the pain would ever get better. I even started taking a sleeping pill because at night I would ruminate over his final days and just feel sad and horrible and cry a lot. And then one day it just...got a little easier. I'm still sad, I still miss him, and I still randomly cry about it out of nowhere, but once I cry a few tears I'm able to move on with my day. I'm still grieving and probably always will be but I'm not consumed by it anymore. That day will come for you too. After a few months it might feel like you should be coping better and further along in the grieving process, but everyone grieves differently and you will not be in despair forever. You'll always miss your dad, but you will not always feel as bad as you do now. You can't predict when it will start to get better, but you can know that at some point it will 

Hi Zan.

First off I'm so sorry about your dad it's definitely a hard time for u. I've been there. 2 years ago I lost my dad to lung cancer, it still feels like yesterday but I'm ok and working through life. My dad was diagnosed on the 26th of Feb 2018, he died on 17th June 2018, was no time at all. My dad was similar to yours as he was given 12 months if he had treatment but my dad's cancer was widespread and there was nothing to cure him, it was to far gone. He had one round of chemo and one of radio bit it didn't agree with him at all and he was on hospital with possible sepsis. Later I realised it was the cancer in his brain. My dad spent the last 5 weeks of his life in the hospice because he was so up and down with his pain and the nurological side of things where quite bad I remember them saying it was in his brain and it's a matter of weeks, no longer month...weeks...then days...then he was gone! My dad took a turn for the worse the week he died and it wasn't nice to see at all but I new it was time for him to go.

All the feelings u are feeling are normal. But please don't feel angry. Life is cruel sometimes but don't be angry, it's not something that helps. Find a way to deal with your emotions, if u do get angry find a way to release it. Cry, scream if u must. It's all natural to feel like that. The rollercoaster of grief is overwhelming at times but u do get there and learn to live again. Don't hide away. Face your fears. Visit his final resting place and talk to his grave stone if it helps. Don't avoid it. Don't hide how u feel and don't lock your emotions away and say your ok when your not. Be open and honest. Seek counseling when your ready. Don't shy away from it. It all helps. Never feel.sorey for being upset and getting emotional. It's all natural. Talk about your dad. Most importantly take one day at a time. One step at a time and be kind to yourself!!

As crap and as hard as it is just remember your not on your own. Cancer is horrible and it hurts to see our loved ones suffering. I take comfort in knowing as much as I miss my dad he's no longer inpain. He's at peace now. As much as I want him back and miss him I know he's no longer in pain ️

Xx hugs xx

Hi, thank you so much, for taking the time to comment on my page. I’m so sorry for your loss. Life is cruel at times, it really is. If anything I myself find as time goes on the grief gets worse instead of better. I know he’s no longer in pain, but I’d give anything to have him back with me. Xx

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. Our stories are very similar! I’m not at any stage yet, I’m just consumed with grief. I miss my Dad so much, I find myself at night trying to sleep with my hand open. Incase he’s there and holds my hand. I really would give anything to see him again, and just sit with him even just in silence. I hope you are ok and sending you love x

Hi zan first of all please except my sincere condolences on the lose of your dad. My dad passed away on the 18th of June,he was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in August 2019 he had  6 months chemotherapy and 5 treatments of radiotherapy but unfortunately we were told in February 2020 that the treatment wasn’t successful and he had a few months. I miss him so much . At the moment I feel like I can’t grieve the way I expected to because I don’t want to upset my mum I feel that I need to be strong for her . My mum doesn’t show her emotions and tells everybody she’s fine . I’m just going through the motions at the moment ie going to work, keeping myself busy . 

Firstly I am so sorry but I know words mean nothing and there is nothing anyone can say. I lost my dad yesterday he was diagnosed with kidney cancer about a year ago and told whilst not curable it was treatable in terms of quality and quantity of life and now he's gone. He suffered a bowel obstruction last year that took him from living a still normal life active etc allbeit with cancer to a shadow of himself and I believe allowed the cancer to run riot. My mum struggles with having been told he would live a normalish life for quite some time to what happened. It's rubbish (can't swear) painful beyond belief and makes you really angry but it is what it is we can't change it and the worst thing through it all has been the helplessness but I helped care for him for the last month or so and was with him at the end and I am in bits but putting on a brave Face and taking my personal moments when I can. My heart goes out to you noone has the right to say I know how you feel because we don't but we are here because we are all trying to deal with similar situations or feelings. I love my dad I miss him already beyond belief but I can't change it and it sucks but I always think of what he would say or think and that keeps me going although it is only Day 2. take care and I definitely hope it gets easier than this