Losing My Dad - Small Cell Lung Cancer

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Firstly, hi to anyone that has taken the time to read my post here. I lost my Dad six weeks ago now, and I really feel like the pain just isn’t going away from this. I know people say time is a great healer, but right now, it really doesn’t feel this way.

My Dad was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in November 2019, he very rarely went to the Doctors as he was really fit and healthy. He was suffering from what he thought was a cold, but unfortunBroken heartely was the dreaded cancer. This all came as such a shock! Dad began chemo and he sailed through it, not a side effect at all. Because of Covid-19 his scheduled radio was changed. He would have two Broken heartssions over two weeks rather than ten consecutive days. He struggled with radio and didn’t want his second session, but he did it to continue the fight. Unfortunately, a short while after this afterBroken heartuccessfully shrinking the tumor with chemo the cancer returned aggressively. He was told he had upto 12 weeks left. Little did we know he actually has weeks left. Dad deteriorated very rapidly, someBroken hearting I can’t accept. One day he sat up talking but very tired, two days later he passed away. I miss my Dad so much, it really does hurt. I look for him, but there are no signs. I even went to a spirBroken heartual reader to connect with him, but she didn’t get anything correct about him at all. I’m angry that Dad passed away as he was only 61, he didn’t get to live his life! He always used to say to me doBroken heartt cry, happy days here plenty of sad days to come. I’d give anything to be with him again, and it really breaks my heart. Originally Dad was advised he had upto 12 months with treatment, he made it Broken heart 6 months. Has anyone been through similar. Sometimes I would like to talk but I don’t tell my family, they know I get upset but I let them think I’m holding it together, but I know deep down I’m reBroken heartly not. As we all do, I just MY Dad back Broken heartBroken heart

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi, so sorry to hear of your loss but found many similarities when thinking of my mum;'s recent passing. She first went to her GP in December 2019 where they found a mass on her lung. In late February we were pleased to hear from a PET CT scan that there was no sign of cancer elsewhere. At this point we still did not have a diagnosis (and I'm still not aware of the diagnosis to this day). As it seemed it had not spread, she was scheduled for a lobectomy and removal and reconstruction of ribs - which they would then send off to be tested to arrive at a diagnosis.

    The day she went into surgery was the day the UK went in to lockdown. She had gone to sleep expecting to see me when she woke and instead was allowed no visitors at all. After a rapid discharge from hospital 3 days after (as the ward was to be converted to one for Covid) she went home to be isolated in her flat (due to now being extremely vulnerable). It was so hard staying away from her at a time when she needed us most, but we thought we were doing the right thing to give her the best chance.

    At this point, post surgery, there was hope that the cancer may have been removed and that once she had recovered from surgery she would be able to live her life again, and possibly return to work. Although she recollected a comment from the surgeon the day after surgery that "the cancer had been found in her spine", we had been told nothing (even though we had asked to be told due to confusion she was experiencing). With still no diagnosis, access to support felt more limited and we had no sense of how long we had.

    In May, she asked me to go over one morning to help her call an ambulance. They decided to take her in to get on top of pain relief but unfortunately that evening she suffered a spinal cord compression in hospital and was paralysed from her diaphragm down. After then spending a number of weeks in a hospice, she passed away in June.

    My mum was such an active person and only 67 years old, she still worked full time, travelling abroad with friends several times a year. I still really struggle as to how she went from being in Africa with her friends in January (although poorly by that point) to no longer being here in June. I miss her so much every day, particularly as we were more like best friends than mother/daughter. I regret the time that we isolated her in her flat, and that the surgery went ahead (which it wouldn't have if they had a more recent scan and knew it had spread). While I believe these things would not have changed the outcome as the cancer was so aggressive, it may have changed mum's journey and perhaps we would have spent the time differently. 

    I don't know when the pain will ease, or if at all at this point. Initially I felt able to cope better as I felt a sense of relief that she was no longer so ill and suffering so much - it had been such a sudden and aggressive journey for her with rapid deterioration at every stage. But now, it's as if the (short term) memory of her being so ill is sort of fading, and I'm left with the memory of how she was before December 2019. This means that I feel like I'm now just left with the grief, but without any sense of the relief that she is no longer suffering. I'm not sure if that makes sense? I have been considering seeing a spiritual reader (not something I believe in but mum did), but maybe not the best idea (yet) from your experience.

    I do hope things get better in time for us all, and if not better, maybe we can just get a little more used to them being 'different'. Sending hugs x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi, firstly I’m so sorry for your loss.

    I feel very similar to you, I try to hold it all together and family think I’m doing ok but I’m not at all. I feel like I want to talk about it but what’s the point? There’s nothing anyone can say to help. I think it’s all about time. How much time? Who knows. I feel like everybody thinks ohhh come on now it has been 5 weeks get over it. Maybe they don’t think that but I feel as if people do, especially if they haven’t suffered a similar loss.

    I lost my mum on 18th July, only 6 weeks after her cancer diagnosis. She was being treated for pneumonia but the chest X-ray prompted a CT scan and they saw she had lung cancer that had spread to her liver and lymph nodes. She wasn’t offered even a biopsy because it was already too late. They said that the biopsy would cause more harm. 6 weeks later she had deteriorated so rapidly, to the point that I had to physically carry her to the toilet. she passed away at home during the night and I was the one to find her in bed. I’m only 32, I have now lost my Dad, my brother and my mum all to cancer within 3 years.


    If I could wish you your Dad back, I would! I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. Just know that you’re not alone Heartpulse

    Kristina xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Kristina,

    Thank You for your message and your very kind words. Firstly, I am so very sorry for your loss. What you have been through / going through is unbelievable. My heart goes out to you.

    i understand what you mean, when you say infront nod people you appear fine. I cry alone, most of the day, every day. I still struggle to think and accept what has happened. I now suffer anxiety, mixed with depression. I’d give absolutely anything to have my Dad back with me. I find myself looking up at the trees just wondering where Dad is. Sometime I think, maybe I should talk, but if I do I think I will just break down and not recover. I’ve only been home 2-3 times since to collect some of Dads belongings. Mum has decorated which is fine as she has to live there and probably her way of coping with things but it’s like he’s completely gone and I can’t bring myself to go home. 

    if ever you need to talk, please Just email me. I wish I could give you a big hug. Sending you lots of love. Suzanne x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s never easy and people deal with grief in different ways. My experience, has been different to so many others. My Dad copes so well, you would never have known he was so poorly through chemo. He sailed through it! Radio knocked my Dad for six, due to Covid they had to give him higher doses in less time, as his consultant didn’t want him attending hospital with the threat of Covid. One of the very last words his nurses said to me, away from Dad is that he was such a strong man and was literally passing away on his feet. My Dad, was such a strong fighter, right up until the end. I was with him when he passed, it was myself who asked the nurses if it were time, as I noticed his breathing had changed. I lay with my Dad for 2 1/2 hours after, just cuddling him. I miss him so very much! 

    I saw a spiritualist, she said some things, but I didn’t give anything away for her to pick up on. She did say, that it could have been too early, and to try again around the 6 month period. 

    I hope you are ok, and if you ever need to talk, please just email me. Sending you a hug x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad Cry nothing I can say will take away the pain but please know you’re not alone. I lost my mum to cancer on Wednesday, she was just 50. Life feels so cruel, unfair and pointless. I am just trying to exist until I feel like I can live again.

     Thinking of you Heart exclamation

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thank you so much for your reply . Please accept my sincere condolences on the lose of your mum . Life is unfair and cruel and I still keep asking the question “ why my dad “ who was the the nicest Heartnd most respected man I’ve know he never had a bad word to say about anyone. Please don’t given up I know it’s hard . I’m still going through the motions putting on a brave face and trying so hard tHeart move on . If you ever need someone to talk too please message me anytime. Sending you big hugs Heart