My dad has passed away

Hi, sorry about your loss

My mother recently passed away after being diagnosed in mid February with bowel and liver cancer

After several bouts of chemotherapy, the impossible happened in that her tumours shrunk and several disappeared giving everyone from family members to doctors the false hope that she was on the road recovery. 

When the success from the chemotherapy was discussed with the specialist her blood results weren't available at the time until later that day, this being the failing as we as a family raised our disappointment with the specialist and GP as it turned out treatment should have continued as the bloodwork wasn't where it should be, resulting in the drastic decline of my mum's health. None of this was brought to the attention of my mum until effectively no more could be done for her

The GP and specialist have both since apologised for the lack of attention and treatment my mum needed during this period as she was discharged with no after care from district nurses which would have raised concern to her deteriorating health

They both stressed that the process in place within the NHS has massive understaffed and overworked departments resulting in some patients not being picked up in the system

I believe my family have filed a complaint regarding this, I'm not in close contact due to living apart but when I get the finer details of the report, I will pass on the relevant information to yourself if this is the avenue you wish to pursue 

I'm so so sorry about you're Dad and my heart goes out to you..and you're family. M whilst reading I felt like I was reading what I felt ..and  .you do want a better understanding..I shouldn't of ..I do have mental health issues and previous.. Substance abuse.. Alcohol.. PS.. Make's everything worse... . My Dad worked with asbestos..when had biopsy went totally.... Rapidly.downhill.. even nurse at Poole hospital.. Were shocked how rapidly..I've going through my Dad Never saw myself married or have children.. And that does   all the things...I've always tried to find logic..especially after partner diagnosed with prostrate Cancer this year... There is no answer... ..of why....I've asked myself so many times over.....

Only person kept me going is my dad in all of...

I've been alcohol addition, have mental health issues.

Have a open mind and you'll see ...

It's difficult this time of year... I know. Message us if...xx

Hello, I’m very sorry for the loss of your dad and I send my condolences. 

I lost my mum last year to ovarian cancer. I was 16 at the time. Technically, she passed away from pancytopoenia (I’m not 100% sure if that is how you spell it). she passed away due to a very bad deficiency of blood cells as a result of the intense chemotherapy. The pancytopoenia went undiagnosed by the hospital. For a long time I was very angry at the hospital, because of the undiagnosis. Also, because I never knew the severity of my mum’s cancer. I was certain that she would recover, that this illness was only temporary and she was going to be fine after chemo. But unfortunately the complications of the chemotherapy caused her to pass away before. I also wasn’t there when she died, as she deteriorated overnight in a matter of hours. I thought if only somebody told me how severe it was, then i could have prepared to see her go.

So, I completely understand why you may be disappointed with the hospital, consultants and doctors. I don’t think it is fair that they gave false hope. They should always give the full correct prognosis. However they may not have known what the outcome was going to be.

For a a long time I was angry at the world for taking my mum away. I had a LOT of anger. My mum wasn’t there to see my open my GCSE results let alone see me go to university, get a job, get married and have kids. And there is no justice. It would be great if karma was real where good people get good things and bad people get bad things. 

Cancer is a a terrible disease. It can return so easily. And sometimes, nobody knows what the outcome will be or how long a person has left. It can be very unpredictable. I’m so sorry that you lost your dad so unexpectedly and I know that horrible feeling. I know what it’s like to be so very hopeful that everything will be fine and then your loved one takes a turn for the worse. On the day of my mum’s death a friend’s dad said to me ‘No pain’ meaning my mum was no longer suffering. That helped me get through a lot.

Sending hugs to all of your family at this time. 

Hi 

So sorry to hear about your dad! 

My dad passed away in January after also battling stomach cancer. He was diagnosed in 2017 and even though the prognosis was not good, he was determined to beat it and had very good results after treatment. We genuinely thought he had gotten past the worst of it and everything would be ok. 

After these results, we were thrilled to be told that he would be put on a trial to ensure the cancer would stay away but he soon started having problems again which were passed off as side affects of the trial. He had countless scans every month and we were told everything was fine. However, dad finally had the bad news that the cancer was back and really did give up after then, we lost him 3 months after a short battle which was absolutely horrific to watch. 

At first I was in complete denial, I still think I am to some extent but I’m definitely feeling it more now. It’s so common to feel angry and to find somebody else to blame but this will not help you feel better and could tarnish the wonderful memories you do have of your father. Even though it is extremely frustrating and I really do feel your pain but I think it would be best to stop thinking ‘what if’ as it will not change the circumstances and will hurt you even more, I’m definitely not saying this in a malicious way as I really do understand where you’re coming from as I've felt like this too.

I too wish I could have had my dad for much longer as I lost him when I was only 20 years old and he was such a fit and healthy man prior to the cancer so it just seems so unfair but unfortunately we have to do them all proud and know they are watching us and are there in spirit x 

Hi,

I definitely know where you are coming from. My dad had “beaten” lymphoma stage 4 in July 2018, and was receiving maintenance chemo, but then August this year he developed neurological symptoms and doctors had no clue what was going on... until his last week of life when they diagnosed him with leptomeningeal disease that came out of the blue. His last biopsy results came in the evening before he died, so everything was ridiculously sudden. 

I also feel angry and have noticed that some doctors see so many patients that they get somewhat desensitized and sometimes overlook things because they were trained that 99% of the times it will be a horse not a zebra.
So yes vent, rant and scream, but don’t keep it in you. Let emotions flow through you, but don’t build resentment. It’s a hard thing to do but try 

I am so sorry for your loss my mum passed away this year she has secondary cancer she had bowl cancer first and then when she came home she have to have cemo therapy and two years she was on cemo and she lost her hair and then when we had half term she went in to a care home and I went to see her on Monday and my mum wanted to go hospital and I saw her last on Wed October and  that was the last time I saw her and on Friday the 1st November at 8 I clock my dad phoned me and said she gone she passed away my heart was broken in two and it was the first Christmas without her it wasn't the same this year I feel so lost and so broken she has 4 grandchildren and everyone loved her it's so sad that she gone does it get easier plz let me know thank you 

Hey Heffernan

Sad times this time of year when a close relative passes, my mum passed away 19th October from bowel and liver cancer.

We had Christmas at the family home which felt fitting but the void that was/is there does ease. Tension and eggshells are two words that come to mind when dealing with it, both are present daily, more so on any significant day... xmas, birthdays etc etc

Today I found whilst having a second xmas day at my in laws with the kids and fiancee, completely out the blue I started tearing up whilst opening a bottle of wine, the day was over for me and I walked home, I then proceeded to phone the Macmillan helpline to talk with a friendly and incredibly supportive voice to just discuss the emotional reaction and for a chat.

I'm sure everyone on here will give the same advice and offer support that talking with a stranger even just on the phone for 10, 20 , 50, 60 minutes will help you no end.

P.S. It does get easier it just takes time.