Loss of my Mum

Hi Di Louise,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of you Mum. I can totally understand how you are feeling. When my Mum passed away last September, i went back to work after a week. Some people may think that is too soon, but I felt like doing things that I normally would do, helped me. In a way it kind of brought me back to reality and took my mind of things, if only for a while. Would you consider going back into work maybe less hours to begin with then slowly build them up?

Would you also consider speaking with your GP about your feelings and emotions? Death of a loved one is hard on anybody, but some people struggle to cope more than others, and it does sound like you are really struggling at the moment. Do you have any friends that have gone through anything similar, that you could talk to about how you are feeling? 

I really hope you start to see some light at the end of the tunnel soon. Just remember, there is no wrong or right way to grieve. We are all built differently. You can even message me if you feel like you can't offload on anyone else as I fee it helps to talk to people, especially someone who has gone through something similar.

Sending lots of hugs

Hi Vak.. thank you for your reply.. i tried to go back to work.. but when i get up to go i just can’t.. i know it would probably do me good.. but I’m not ready to face people yet.. I’m trying to get in touch with Cruze Bereavement Counsiling.. I’ve rang lots of times but got no answer.. so today I’ve left my name n number for them to call me back.. i miss her so much.. i cant except that she has gone.. we scattered her ashes on Sunday just gone.. i thought I’d be ok.. I’ve spoken to my GP.. he’s given me some sleeping tablets.. i actually feel like i have no purpose in life now she has gone.. n i feel like i don’t want to be here.. I’m angry.. I’m lost.. i feel empty inside.. I feel guilty for trying to be normal.. my emotions are so up n down.. I’m meeting my friend on Saturday for a coffee.. she lost her Mum 2years ago.. so hopefully she will be able to help me get through this.. thank you once again for your reply.. Di 

Hi Di

The good thing is, is that you are wanting to get the help and support that you need, which is good. Can your GP not help at directing you for counselling? Seems to me like they have just fobbed you off with some sleeping tablets. 

Have you thought about taking up some kind of hobby? Like painting or exercise class? This sounds really daft, but I have just bought a colouring book and pencil crayons (for adults obvs) as I feel it really chills me out. 

It’s horrible missing someone you have lost. I think about my mum every single day. Some days I get really upset as I think about how she suffered in her last days and just can’t get certain images out of my head. But other days I will think about times before she was poorly. 

I feel sorry for my Nan as my uncle (mums brother) got diagnosed with cancer not long after my mum, and unfortunately he passed away just over a week ago. Tomorrow is his funeral so no doubt it will bring it all back about my mums funeral.

Life is just so rubbish at times, you think it will never get better, but it will. You just have to keep telling yourself that. X 

I have a colouring book (adult one) i also do cut n fold books.. but I’m not interested in doing anything at the minute.. I’m reading all the information that i can to help myself get through this.. but nothing seems to be sinking in.. 

My Step Dad was also diagnosed with terminal Lukemia 2 wks after My Mum was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer.. he’s not coping with the loss of my Mum either.. so I’m trying to be strong for him.. as well as grieving for my Mum.. 

I’m so sorry to hear the sad news about your uncle.. and I’m sure it’ll be a hard n sad day for you all.. my thoughts n prayers will be with you

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mum 7 weeks ago. It just doesn't seem real, does it? It's good that you reached out here because there are so many people going through the same thing. You just take it one day at a time and do what you need to do. But one thing that helps me to get through the days is to picture my Mum sitting opposite me with a cup of tea and imagining what she would say to me now if she could. She was very matter of fact about things and would probably say "What are you crying for? You'll just feel worse. You can't bring me back and you'll have puffy eyes." And she'd be right on all of those things. What would your Mum have said to you? 

I still talk to my Mum, telling her about my day, telling her about what I'm cooking and just saying hello. I find it does help. I talk to her normally as if she was still in the room. Perhaps she can hear me. I don't know. It helps me to feel close to her. My Dad does this too. 

You mention being strong for your stepdad and I can really relate to that, but do look after yourself too. I'm sorry to hear about his diagnosis. That's really hard. No wonder you are feeling so sad. Don't rush this. It's great you are meeting with a friend that has experienced the loss of a parent. I really don't think you can truly understand until you have been through it. 

Try to have a good day today. Let's all support each other. Xx