Struggling coming to terms with losing my parents.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

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Hi everyone I've not posted on this site since I was caring for both my parents. My mam had previously had breast cancer twice 2014 and 2016 and then liver cancer 2017. After a number of failed biopsies my mam was giving 1-2 years and no treatment options due to not being able to get a biopsy. In April 2018 my Dad was diagnosed with rectal cancer which had spread to the liver and partially the lung by may he was terminal and it had travelled to most organs lymph nodes and spine we were told due to him not being well enough for treatment he wouldn't see Christmas. October 8th 2018 I held my mams had as she fell asleep. On November 30th 2018 I held my dads hand as he fell asleep. I'm coming upto a year now and only just starting to accept they've gone I'm finding things difficult at the minute and increasingly frustrating why them ? Why so soon together ? What about me and my brothers ? What about the grandchildren? I am the only girl with 5 brothers youngest being 24 I have 3 children 17 14 and 4 I feel like it's my responsibility to be there for them all and comfort them. I feel guilty that they are grieving and I cant I want them back I need them I cant do this on my own. I feel ridiculous writing this but dont know where else to turn at the moment.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi, how are you today? losing both parents in so quick succession, a Month between, that is so much to bear. It’s not fair, you have every right to feel angry. I can empathise as my mum passed in Feb 17 and my dad Feb 19. It’s hit me like a tonne of bricks and I am 42, an adult, but god I miss them.

You had so much loss in one month, I am so sorry. I cannot even comprehend the turmoil. I’m so sorry.

You are totally right to express feelings here. My word you have been through so much, the awful diagnosis, the loss of them. It’s so hard to process, grieving for two people and being the care provider, the ‘strong’ one. I locked everything away after mum for ten months, then went to counselling. With dad Im trying to not do that so much. Grief is just sore, so vent here, write down everything you are feeling, let it out some way. I was the strong one, then I couldn’t be anymore, my family all rallied. It’s surprising the way roles can change when loss happens. The one place strength can be found is family. Take care and If you want to talk or anything x

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

I'm so sorry for your losses. I just wanted to say what a truly incredible support you have been to your family - I'm sure you reassured your parents massively. You have done so much for others, you desperately need a bit of time for yourself to grieve and feel. Can you find a way to make time to yourself? Do you have a partner or family/friends who couldn't take your children for a few hours so you can feel or just be? It's so hard to have to compartmentalise your grief for your children, and important to let your own feeling out whenever possible. Take care of yourself x

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