It's been a rollorcoaster ride for last 2 and half years. My mum hadn't been right for about 18 months or more and despite having All the symptoms of the type of cancer that she had (Dr Google is not your friend) it was missed by the hospital on at least 4 separate occasions possibly 5 if it hadn't have been for our two family doctors she would probably have died before diagnosis. Anyway from diagnosis until she died we had about 3 and half weeks. She went into hospice and was only supposed to be in a week while they was sorting her meds she died 10 days later. It was probably a blessing for her. But I can't help but feel guilty that she spent most of her last 5 weeks of life in a hospital. They was still talking about the different types of treatments on the Wednesday and she died that weekend. Anyway I've been not to bad with it all had some moments like this morning I was out last night with friends for first time since had a great night. Went to bed and had a dream about mum I've had a couple before that were either horrible or just slightly weird. This one however was sort of a nice one I came out of the pub we were in last night and she was standing in the doorway wearing a long green nightie she is always wearing it I think it may have been the one she had on when she died. I knew I was dreaming but I said to her what you doing here. She said waiting for you I've missed u. I said I've missed you to and we hugged but while we hugged she faded away. I woke up in floods of tears and boiling hot even although the house is freezing. Now I feel sick but not sure if that's a hangover or because of the dream.
