Hi everyone
My little sister passed away 15 years ago from osteosarcoma which wasn't diagnosed till it was quite late (doctors kept saying it was growing pains). I was 15 at the time she was 13.
It was a long time ago but lately I think about her a lot, and my cancer worries have gone through the roof. I listen to a lot of music from the 90's and think of her instantly sometimes I cry so much it hurts. I wish I could have grown up alongside her and done sisterly, girly things like go out together and see movies like we used to. In my mind she represents such a happy time in my life and it's so painful thinking I'll never experience that again.
Since she passed I'm terrified of losing other members of my family like my mum and dad. I just want things to always be like they were in the late 90's when my family was happy and healthy but as I get older and we lose grandparents etc I know that can't happen but I can't let go. Thinking of those times with her and my family feels like a comfort blanket - they make me feel safe. Then when I remember reality - she's not here, my grandparents have passed away too, things are so different now - I can't cope. I question everything.
Lately I've been having really vivid dreams about my childhood home where those happy memories took place. It's always crumbling apart, smashed windows, and my sister is there but it's like she passed away then came back and it's all wrong.
When I have bad moments my mind replays the night that she passed and seeing her body before the ambulance arrived. It's like flashes in my mind.
My dr diagnosed me with PTSD and I'm on meds but need to talk to someone too. I hope I can get councelling soon. :( x
