Feeling so lost and up and down

You made me well up, too. There are so many things to get through aren't there? I know we are going to have to do the same with my Mum's things sometime in the future. At the moment, it just feels like she will be back to use everything as she'd left it - her jewellery, her perfume, her hairbrush. I'm so sorry you are going through this now, especially given the amount of history in the house and all the fantastic memories you have of your Gran. 

Like you say, we just plod along because it's what they would have wanted, but sometimes it's so damn hard to cope. Did you keep back any little trinkets or souvenirs that will remind you of your Gran? I'm going to do that when we sort through my Mum's things. I have some perfume and some costume jewellery that I brought home to remind me of her, but I'd like to keep back a few special things that will always remind me of her. 

You just do what you need to do. I feel like I am coping, but then I'll remember something and be crying again. I miss my Mum so much too. Why isn't there a manual for this? :) 

Take care. Xx

Hi Sarah Louise. 

Thank you so much for your reply, I wish there was a manual to be able to process the feelings and think oh ok that's normal, but everyone is different. I broke down the other week because I found a packet of frozen peas she liked in my freezer. 

I have some things, like books and her old purse which did bring a smile to my face, as a kid I always used to go on walks with her, and she would buy me some sweets from the sweet shop with a pound she had in that purse, it's brought a smile back to my face, as it did when I just typed that.

She left little phrases around from the bible and just general fulfilling quotes on little peices of old envelopes and i've kept one. I also have a bottle of her favourite perfume. It just little trinket style things nothing expensive but memories are priceless. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, it's so hard isn't it trying to fit into a new sense of normal and carry on,  I keep trying to think that they are still with us, when the wind blows, when the sun shines and when the birds tweet. 

I just hope deep down I made her proud. 

x

Ah, I know I don't know you, but just reading what you wrote tells me that she would be immensely proud of you for cherishing what matters. We get caught up so much in the material things in life, social media, working and just trying to keep up with this mad, mad world that it takes something like this to bring us back to reality. and back to who we really are and what matters. Those little trinkets and childhood memories are just everything, aren't they? Like you say, priceless. That's so lovely that you have her old purse. Made me smile too. 

I had a little cry this evening. My Dad is now using my Mum's old phone with the same number. I erased her name in my contacts and replaced it with 'Dad Mobile'. It's those little things that hurt so much. Practical, but heartbreaking all the same. 

It will be the end of another week soon enough and we'll have both got through it. :)

Xx

Hi Sarah Louise, thank you for your kind words, I don't want the material things like her ipad etc, as they don't hold the memories that I want to cherish. 

I had a cry on the way to work this, morning and no one at work is really bothered about asking how i'm feeling, I guess it's because it's all died down now I suppose, i'm just trying to get through each day, but I know when we have sold the house I will too feel that sense of dread, and no doubt will end up going quiet and subdue. 

I've just been to Boots on my lunch and got myself some make up, as a little pick me up, I suppose its the small things isn't it. 

Yea it's those little things I agree, I wanted to call my Grandma the other day, then i realised her phone has been disconnected. 

Wishing you all the strength in the world huni, each and every step of the way, and we will both get through each day, week, month and then years, they will never leave us, but we will eventually learn to live with them in our thoughts. 

Love Hope 

xx

Hi Hopeisallaround

im in the middle of going through my mums things, she passed away on aug 27th. It’s a horrible thing to have to do, I’ve found myself smiling at old photos and mums artwork, crying when having to bin things and laughing at the fact she hoarded so much stuff! X