Ive lost my lovely Mum and I'm in my twenties.

Hi,  

I can't offer much help other than to say I know how you feel. My Mum passed away 4 days ago now and I just don't know how I am going to cope with the 'forever' that lies ahead of me. I have just turned 33 and although that sounds like a grownup age... I still feel so young and so lost without my Mum. I don't have a partner or any children and was extremely close with my Mum. 

My friends have bought me a book called 'Losing a parent' which I am going to start reading. I will let you know if it helps at all. 

Keep strong. The only thing we can do is live one day at a time x

Hi, 

I am so very sorry to hear that you have lost your Mum. Nothing can replace them and nothing compares to the desolate feeling their passing brings. I lost my Mum a month ago and the only thing I can take comfort from is that she is not suffering anymore. You will get by, I promise you will. But it has to be on your terms and in your own time. I'm a little further along in my grieving by a couple of weeks and while you can't put a time on these things, I can tell you that I am starting to process it all a lot better. I can't offer any advice as we both know there is nothing that can really take away the pain. But I am here if you want to chat, vent or ask any questions no matter how silly you think they might be. 

Take care of yourself. Xx

Hi doll,

I came on here today looking for someone to chat to as well. I lost my mum in March this year after a very short battle with cancer. She was 61 years young and I am 37. I still feel so numb and some days I honestly feel like my body is too heavy to carry. Such a strange experience it hurts physically and just mentally draining! Talking to people will help and exercise helps me I find but even that “good feeling” is short lived. It’s so tough isn’t it?

Big hugs xx

I don't know whether my story will help you or not, but at least you will know that it can be borne.

21 years ago last week, my mum died. She had been told about 8 or 10 weeks before that her previously in remission Breast Cancer, for which she had had a lumpectomy and then a mastectomy about 18 months before, had metastasized to her lungs and liver and was untreatable. This was after about a month of being told that her cough was "just a chest infection" and given antibiotics.

Mum died 13 days after I married my husband, at a wedding that we had been planning for over 12 months, so well before she had been told that she was unwell again. I didn't know that she was terminally ill, and was told by both parents that the Radiotherapy that she was having was dealing with the problem, but it was purely palliative to ensure that she survived my University graduation and then wedding which were 2 weeks apart. August 1998 ran the whole gamut of emotions!

I was 2 months away from my 23rd birthday, and now, here I am just a few weeks from my 44th birthday. Most of the time I am okay, but I think of her every single day, and some days hurt more than others. Last Wednesday was definitely one of those days, and it is certainly the case that this feeling can last for a couple of weeks - it is this year, but I think that is partly due to the fact that my Father-in-Law died on 10th July, having received a terminal diagnosis on 26th June.

I'm struggling to write any more just now, partly because I don't want to cry while I'm at work!!!!

Wishing all posters on this thread the best. Losing mum utterly sucks, but you can survive it. 

Sending huge hugs to all of you - My beloved Mum died just over a week ago

xx

I lost my mum on Aug 27th this year, 2 days before my 32nd birthday, she was 53. I signed her death certificate on my birthday and we had her service yesterday.  

We found out on May 2nd my mum had stage 4 lung cancer and had basically spread everywhere, she deteriorated so quickly. It attacked the liver so aggressively by the end. My mum ended up being in a wheelchair when she actually managed to get out of bed. My boyfriends dad died about 3 weeks before this. 

My mum had been ill for a long number of years before diagnosis but was neglected by her GP.  Deep down I knew there was something wrong with her for a while. I started grieving for her the day she was diagnosed. I cried most days. I held my mums hand all day on Tuesday and watched her pass away. Now I don’t cry. I feel “relieved” that my mum isn’t in suffering anymore. It was so hard to watch.

 I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I miss her, but she’s still in my heart and memory and thoughts. She’s part of me. She’s still here, a body is a shell mum used to say. And she’s right. Our mums are still with us, they’ll never leave us xxx

I agree with you completely - our lovely mum’s are no longer suffering. It’s 21 years, but I still remember the heart wrenching sound of my mum’s radiotherapy side effects. Not to mention the awful coughing.

Don’t be afraid of your feelings - or apparent lack of them. If you feel numb at the moment, it’s unlikely to stay that way, then you might be wishing for these days back again. Neither is wrong. 

Stedders - me too. My mum recently moved into a new flat so she was ground floor and didn’t have to walk down stairs (she had permanent spinal nerve damage due to tumours) she spent only about 6-7 weeks in there but was very ill the entire time - I’ve had to go there every day to start clearing it as it’s council and we don’t get long. I hate it, it gives me a horrible feeling as it’s just a reminder of the illness. Seeing the wheelchair and fall alarm etc. It’s like the illness is all I can remember. 

Aw, mate!! Councils suck!!!

I was fortunate in 2 ways - my dad is still alive, so he did all the clearing of mum’s stuff, and being just married, my husband and I had moved away from our home town in NW England to Wolverhampton, so I wasn’t really close enough to be asked to help. He just kept giving me things of mum’s that he thought I might like to keep. I have a ring tree, jewellery box and he gave me her engagement ring but about 10 years later I had that made into a ring I could wear as mum’s finger was a J and I’m a P. Like one of Cinderella’s step-sisters!!!

Hi feather17 I lost my mam on 08/10/18 she had breast cancer twice then liver cancer and then lost my dad 30/11/18 he had aggressive rectal cancer that spread everywhere. I feel your pain I'm just starting to accept there gone now I've finished dealing with the possessions and estate slowing down is hard it means you have to think and have to grieve and I dont want to, I am not ready to live without them. It's not fair that this cruel disease can take our loved 1s away and make them suffer its cruel. I'm 34 with 5 brothers and 3 children my youngest brother is 24. I've noticed a few people have said take peace in the fact they're not suffering anymore and i suppose we have to it's so much better to think of them at peace than in pain.