Over 2 years down.... ever improve?

Hi Tigger,

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my Dad to cancer 3 weeks ago and everything is still quite raw. I am fortunate enough to have other family to lean on and grieve with. I cannot comprehend how hard this must be for you if you are feeling so alone and having that constant anxiety of losing everything swimming around in your head. it sounds incredibly overwhelming. 

I am here if you want to chat about anything at all and there are lots of lovely people going through difficult times on here that will lend an ear.

Dio x

Hey, Tigger 

I wanted to reply because I am kind of in a similar situation to you and I can relate to quite a bit of what you said.

My dad died 4 and a half years ago, 12 days after being diagnosed with metastatic stomach cancer. I am an only child and yes, I do still have my mum but other than that, there is no family near us. I was close to my dad (and am to my mum, but in a different way) and miss him SO much. I also have an anxiety condition which brings its own challenges. 

I do, of course, have some friends, but they have their own families and, like you, I do not wish to go down the road of on-line dating (I am mid-40s). 

It's just so hard, isn't it? I often find myself thinking about my mum and the future and have a dreadful fear of something happening like it did with my dear dad. 

Just wanted to reach out and say I get it. 

Lorna :-) 

Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear of your recent loss (and sorry for saying that because I hated it personally). 

I have grandparents still alive but they're very much fixated on the negative and seem to recall things that just didn't happen with her last days which also upsets me as I have to correct them which takes me back to a time I try not to think of. Then I have my Auntie (Mums sister) but they're polar opposites so don't have that bond like I did with my mum. She was my best friend and anxiety is exhausting - I've tried meds and bereavement counselling but neither seem to help and I'd rather not be medicated where possible. 

I did look at holidays and stuff even for a couple of days but I'd feel incredibly lonely because at least at home there's my things and my TV not having to go out to eat alone etc which would elevate my feelings and make it apparent that she's just not here. Sigh I did so well for the first couple of years and now it's like a bulldozer out of nowhere 

Hello, 

I lost my mum on 28 June and it is getting harder every day. I really feel for you and the loneliness must make it all the more difficult. Can I make a suggestion that may sound a little crazy?  Join a local dance class. I am a dance teacher and I have seen repeatedly how dance helps people going through a bereavement. It can be life changing. I am not looking for business by the way I live in Spain. a dance class can help in many ways. It is exercise, it is fun, you dont need a partner, in fact a lot of singles go. Yes a little intimidating at first but you will make a whole new group of friends, gain a social life you wont need married couple friends to be available to go out. Also when you are dancing you have to concentrate so for the time you are dancing you forget all your worries. Its joyful and unlike other exercise like the gym you interact with others. I dance Argentine tango but if you have never danced try salsa or jive. Depends on your age, salsa can be a younger crowd. Ballroom can be more couples. Please give it a try and let me know if you do. Sending a big hug.

Hi Almondnut

I did try to do ballet again but since I was younger I've broken some bones including tailbone and forgot how much pressure that places on ones spine so couldn't move for 2 days! Haha I'll have to see the lesser impact dance as I did used to do various dance as a kid including cha cha cha types. I did aqua fit once but it's always in the day near me so that's out but was good for the limited pressure. Do you know which dance would be less tedious on a lower back? 

I'm also sorry to read about your Mum too. I found the first few months a surreal blur but because I had to move out I had that to occupy my mind for a few months too. But I did struggle with having lots of support in the few weeks that followed then life going on and people fizzled away after.

Hi Tigger,

Thanks for your nice words about my mum. If you did ballet you will have a head start as you will know the posture. I had lower back problems in my 20s then took up Argentine Tango. Its not all legs in the air like strictly! You really work your lower back but it is low impact as you slide along the floor. Your back will ache at first but my back problems then disappeared. Jive is not too impact either try Ceroc. 

All you can do is look for a local class and give it a try. See which music and group you like.

Good luck and please tell me if you do give it a try, I would love to hear how you get on.

I've found a local exercise type group that's lower impact and includes meditation so may be a good place to start to ease back into the world of activity. Went from dance life to gymnastics life to hockey life then broke bones so it all ended lol i will continue to look at dance too