My husband died of GBM grade 4 19 months ago . To me it feels like just a couple of months .Time passing seems to anger me - like people think I should be ok or better than I am .It still feels so raw .I can function and get things done and work etc ...but in some ways feel frozen in time attached to the event .
Michael lived for 3 and a half years from diagnosis . He did not want to know prognosis and wanted to concentrate on treatment . so no discussions EVER happened about the future . I knew the diagnosis as had researched it .He was very changed by all the treatment became angry / depressed / would throw things etc . Our son was 10 when his dad died .He is my rock but should not have to be ...he is a child .
We had awful experiences with the hospice - Michael did not want to be there .Would lie there muttering so this is it i just have to wait .No sunset moments / no talking about our lives together . I managed and functioned through this .
Then after the overwhelmingness of trying to do things ....paperwork banking etc- everything he had always done and i had no idea how to do . There should be a job created for someone to help people through this .- the organising the informing various organisations etc etc . The simplest thing made me freak out .
The guilt / the I wish i had said....the driving down roads going places thinking the last time I did this he was here .....
The ever changing grief ...it seems to wear so many different forms .i think I also grieve the person I wqas as so many parts of me have been changed by this . I miss his voice from when he was well - the lightness / the laughter .
Sorry I just wanted to put this out there
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community although I wish you hadn't had to find us.
Can I offer my sincere condolences on the death of your husband. It must be an incredibly hard time for you. I'm sorry to hear as well what a hard time you had leading up to his death and then having to try and organise things afterwards.
Could I suggest that you join the bereaved spouses and partners group as the members there will understand exactly what you're going through. It's also a very supportive place where you can express your worries and concerns and support one another.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
