Struggling

Hi, I'm pleased that you've found your way over to this part of the forum and sorry that you are here as you have lost your mum.

It is very understandable that you are angry and your are struggling to cope but coming this far you know that your mum would want you to be brave when you face the funeral and I hope you have a good network of friends and family who can support you.It was nice that you were able to keep your promise to your mum and held her hand right up to end, it's one of the moments you will look back on when you think of your mum as I know from my experience when I held my dad in my arms whilst he took his last breath, that memory never leaves you. Whilst you looked after your mum to the very end you know that come the day of her funeral she will be looking down on you and sending you strength to get through the day.

Feel free to come to come back on anytime you feel down and emotional and have a chat to others in this group, everyone here has experienced loss of a family member or friend and don't mind if you come in and rant and rave or let off steam this really is a safe place to do it as no one will judge you as they understand your feelings.You maybe interested to know that we have a very nice lady volunteer that you can (Missing Group) Wendy will answer any question you want to ask her please give her 2/3 to get back to you.

If we can be of any help in finding a bereavement support group please let us know and we'll  try and help.

Please remember the door to this group is always open you don't have to knock just come on in and chat with the members who are here to help and support you.

Please keep in touch.

Ian

Hi, I lost my Dad in March this year to oesophageal cancer - only diagnosed in April last year. It’s still very raw but I’ve come a long way. Not going to lie the funeral was hard and last week we laid his ashes with a headstone which was equally as hard. There are good days and bad days. Days where everything just comes flooding back. The things he said in his final days. Days where I just want to text him to tell him something that’s happened. I’m still visiting his flat every other day to feed his fish. It actually brings great comfort to be there. It was his haven for 30 years. You are very early days into your grief and I had to remind myself of that when I got upset. I think grief is a very selfish time, you have to do what is right for you and be how you want to be. Yes there are things that need to be done in the early days and that can be hard. Talking to the minister about all the happy times when your feeling so sad....take care! Take each day as it comes....one step at a time...x

Hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s passing and you have my condolences. I hope your family is all coping well at this difficult time. 

I can imagine how angry you feel. I lost my mum last year. She had ovarian cancer but passed away overnight due to neutropenia that went under the radar (as a result of chemotherapy). I was angry that she passed so suddenly, I was angry at the world, I was angry that she was taken away so soon in such an awful way that she didn’t deserve. Most of all, I was angry that I wasn’t able to say my goodbyes. I’m glad that you were by your mum’s bedside holding her hand as she passed away. That would have brought her great comfort.

I was also angry at the hospital. I was angry that her neutropenia went unrecognised because if it has been nipped in the bud then surely she would have had more time? You have a right to be angry. It’s one of the terrible emotions that grief encompasses. In fact you probably feel 100 emotions all at once. And you mentioned that your mum is your best friend. I’m sorry that you not only lost your mother, but also your best friend. My mum was also my best friend and after she died I ended up in almost complete isolation because my mum was the only person I spoke to about my problems. Talking to anyone else just doesn’t feel the same.

i hate the fact that after your loved one passes, there is a rush to sort the funeral. It’s a difficult task especially when you’re still trying to come to terms with your mother’s death. Keep in mind that your mum is very proud of you. I always use the idea ‘to make my mum proud’ as a motivation for doing good things. Take some time for yourself to grieve and try not to feel pressured by the funeral organisation. 

I wish you all the best. Right now is a very difficult time and you’re still very raw in your bereavement. The most important thing to do right now is rest and heal. Healing may take a while but keep in mind that you love your mum and your mum loves you. That’s what I think whenever I become distressed. All the best to your family too who are also grieving for their loss. Sending love.

-Shauna x