Struggling with the loss of my mum

Hi , so sorry to hear your news. My dad died back in December so I know where you are right now. When the dust has settled and you have finished with all the inevitable stuff that comes along after you have lost a loved one, it will help you and your daughter to talk about your mum as much as you can. Remember good times and laugh. Look at photos, make a memory box. It's all a bit raw right now but you will come through the other side. Take care of yourselves in the meantime. 

Hey Jewels65, I know how you're feeling. I lost my mum a couple of months ago to lung cancer. We had gone from a positive oncology appt on the Thursday, to being told she wouldn't make it through the night the following Sunday (mothers day)

I can totally see where you're coming from with not being able to imagine life without her, I too feel so overwhelmed with sadness and anger when I think of life ahead and all the things I'll need her for, and all the things she will miss out on. 

Know you're not alone, here if you want to talk/cry x

Jewels I am so very sorry for your loss. So sorry too for yours, noswad and Alex_andra. It's just horrendous to lose a loved one, especially a beloved parent, in this way. I lost my darling mum in November also to lung cancer. We had just 12 weeks between diagnosis and when we lost her. I nursed mum too, with my sister; we were with her right to the end. I'm not yet 40; mum wasn't yet 70. It seems so unfair and so unreal.

It's an act of pure love to be there by the side of your loved one through something like this and it will have meant so much that you were there. For me, I couldn't have been anywhere else but by my mum's side; but at the same time, it is really traumatic to experience what you have been through. My heart completely goes out to you.  I am still reeling 8 months in: it still doesn't seem possible that mum is gone. I still feel her love for me, and that's a gift she knew would be with me My whole life. I love her so much and miss her terribly. I try to take comfort when I can in how much love we had between us. 

Whatever you are feeling, and that may change moment to moment, try to allow yourself to feel it - there is no right or wrong here. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can. Sending kindness and courage to you in your darkest time. If you find it helps to share on here then go ahead - every loss is different and no one can truly feel what you are feeling, but know that little community will do their best to heard you and to understand your pain. Sending kindness and courage to you in your darkest time.

Emma

x

Hi everyone, 

I hope you don’t mind me joining, I lost my mum to oesophageal cancer at the end of April, 18 days after diagnosis.  Have come here for support this afternoon as am just sobbing on my sofa whilst my daughter sleeps- I miss her desperately too. 

Overall I am coping well I think, and still functioning, it’s just some days it’s ‘on me’ more than others. Yesterday and today I feel a constant longing for her- to hear her voice, hug her or hold her hand again- and when I let myself feel the fact I won’t again, it is so painful and I just start to cry. I also still feel like her death was like being in a horror movie- it wasn’t real- I have memories of being in the family room after diagnosis, waiting to hear about prognosis and the palliative care nurse just saying ‘she has a couple of weeks’- it came as such a shock, the noise I let out was horrendous, and then just the waiting for her to die the following 12 days- Sat at her bedside- just holding it together for her. She didn’t know the prognosis, and said she hoped she’d make my wedding on the 6th October, I knew she wouldn’t, I just wanted to save her. The last 3 days seem unreal, and then when she went it was over- and I’m just left feeling so much. I try to be positive - she didn’t know, she didn’t suffer for long, I had my mum for 29 years etc but I miss her so so very much, and I miss her for my daughter whose just 2 and won’t remember her nana. 

I am so sorry for your losses also, I know I am not alone and how common place this is- I feel part of a club I never wanted to be in, but have found love and support here. We will get through this- it’s ok to remember and feel and hurt- it’s completely normal. Sending love and light to us all, and shall try and keep mums energy with me xxxxx

Hi Fern, I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mum. Such a short time from diagnosis to her passing must have been incredibly hard, and I wonder if in a way you are still in shock or trauma at this stage - there's no time to process it whilst it's happening. I had a moment a little like the one you describe above, when I lost it in the hospital as I realised what they were hinting at. I had to leave the room with the nurse and sobbed uncontrollably on her shoulder. Impossibly hard.   

The longing you feel, I totally relate to as well. Intense missing and the need to hold that hand that is so familiar, to hug that person you love so dearly.

You have been so brave, supporting your mum through this, and now she has passed you are having to be brave every day. It's amazing  that you're looking for the positives, some days they're the things that mean you can carry on rather than crumpling. At the same time, it's ok to have the days when there doesn't seem to be any light. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and I'm trying to allow myself to feel it , whenever I need to - not squash it down if I can help it. It is softening, slowly - but there's nothing I wou;d't give to have my mum back and well again. 

You're totally right that we're not alone. If you want to message at any point please do, this is such a suportive community isnt' it? Love and light to you as well - thinking of our wonderful mums and alll that they've given us. Take good care

Emma

xxx

I can relate to your feelings. 2nd January this year we got told mum had lung cancer and that the shadow that they had picked up on the 28th December when admitted to hospital had been there 2 years ago when they did an xray... Sadly for me she passed away 29th May, whilst my brother and I were expecting it to be June (bassed on how she was compared to how dad had been 8 weeks ago before he passed away) we didn't expect a call at 9.45am that day to say we need to get there as it would be that day, and then 15mins later she was gone.

I know the hospital were investigating it and I need to call and chase up but I am scared, plus some of me thinks what good is it going to do. It's not going to bring her back but then again if we had known something could have been done in the last few years. 

From my experience all I would say is take a day at a time, what ever you feel you feel. There is no right or wrong way to handle this, just your way. 

Em xx