So i suspect a number of you are aware of my background for being her (nightmare 7months and then both parents passed away from Lung cancer within 7and half weeks).
Dad went first but then we still had mum to look after abd ensure she was safe till she agreed to a live in carer... I did have some time of then, did some work frome home days and along with being in work.
As i settled back into work, where a new middle management company have come in, feelings all in the air, it became apparent my ''"colleague" has decided her job may not be safe and there for take advantage of me not being there to put the knife in my back.
When mum passed away i had a few days off but then pretty much back to work full time.
I sensed over the weekend i wasn't functioning as well as i had been, I had a doctors appointment this evening as they have been monitoring me as i have had depression for year's over the last few years and it resulted in me being signed off. I tried to fight it and my doctor wanted me to have longer of but at the moment we agreed on me being off for a week and she will call me next Monday.
I thinki what made me start to struggle to function was meeting the celebrant and discussing bits for mums funeral she hadn't decided on, oh boy was it easier for dad as we still had mum there to ask type thing.
Due to a few specific people (like mum's brother) having holiday bookes the funeral is this Friday, i guess as it gets closer it is getting more real that it is happening.....
Since coming back from the doctors i have cried more than since mum went. What kind of person does that make me... People (including my doctor) say tbey didn't get how i was functioning, my husband had even been signed off under bereavement and is on weekly appointments till the phyciatict team see him, again what is wrong with me, surely it should be me like that not him....
It doesn't help a lot for changes at work and whilst I know i have the support of the management team above me and a lot of other people in my company knowing i can't trust my colleague really doesn't help. She has gone through lossing a parent as her mum passed away the other year and she ended up leaving her job to get to grips with stuff and ensue stuff all sorted type thing.
All of this is also making me feel lost. Lost that I have no parents, lost at work and lost in general.
Anyway sorry for going on.
Em xx
