I’m never going to get through this.

I’m so sorry for your loss, you sound in such pain. It is such a messy wrangle getting through the shock of someone you love dying, never mind the grief, but you will get through this. A different person, but you won’t always feel as if this is insurmountable and terrifying. You will remember your Mum again and it won’t just hurt unbearably. The ‘waves’ of grief analogy was true for me and I know how exhausting and desperate you can feel missing your Mum and the time you had with her. It’s heartbreaking, but the grief will subside in time and no longer engulf you. Be kind and patient with yourself. Accept any offers of help and please keep talking if you need to x

Joanne1986 sending you bundles of hugs. X Hun your in the earliest of days. My heart goes out to you Xx I'm no expert at all. I always say grief is so individual. There's no right or wrong, or text book answer.

I just have my own experience. My beautiful mum, my best friend, my right hand women. Died 10 months ago. My world shattered in an instant.  I felt the exact same. I was numb and shocked for weeks, months. But something inside, found a strength, I never knew I had.  I like to think it because , Im hers and she is mine. I can do this because she is part of me. Not gonna lie I've had to dig deep on many occasions. But for her, I'll keep digging. Xx

Look after yourself, do it your way and be kind to your self. 

Thank you Hope. My heart is broken at the moment; seeing her body I just kept expecting her to turn her head or give my hand a squeeze but nothing. She wasn’t ready & we weren’t with her. I’m an atheist but desperate for a sign that she wasn’t in pain, that she’s ok & that we should carry on x

Thank you Sunshine, it sounds like you are coping very well, despite such horrific circumstances. Nothing can prepare you for losing the person you love the most & it makes me angry that life still carries on even though my mum isn’t here anymore. 

Joanne, 

Thank you. Totally get that about life going on. I struggled with this, alot. (Still do)  However I believe this is totally 'normal' whatever normal is. Xx Life will never be the same. And the emotions I have felt have been a rollercoaster. But I have in time (use to hate that word) but it's true. The waves of grief still come, but calmer times are longer. I can think of the good times and the years, I had with my beloved mum. 

Also at the beginning, I didn't know what to do with my self. But then something clicked. I knew her so well, I know. exactly what she wanted for me. So I'm slowly building that life in her honour. Not saying I get it right all the time. And like I said no expert. You just have to do it your way. 

Warmest wishes in these difficult days. 

I lost my dad on 19th May. The first few days I was numb, overwhelmed by grief, could hardly move at times, wanting to just die so I didn't have to face everything. But day by day I can do more, eat without nausea, forget for a few moments, even laugh and feel happy for a time. Sometimes I feel calm for periods. Then sudden crying hits. Or prolonged periods of wordless sorrow. It is changing all the time though, so that gives me hope. Talking to other people helps a lot, even if I thought I didn't want to see anyone. The first few days were like nothing I have ever experienced before. It is still like nothing, but 2 and a half weeks in, it is not quite as bad. Everyone says take it one day - one minute at a time. That is all I can do. The minutes add up and I am moving forward.

P

Hi,

I'm new to this site and the groups, and I'm so glad everyone is here, my Grandma is currently receiving Palliative Care, as her cancer is terminal. I don't want this to sound all about me, but I can feel everyone's pain. I am preparing myself for the upcoming weeks and come to terms with it, which I am entirely grateful for, that I can spend that extra time with her, making it as special and comfortable as possible.

The numbness is still with me, and I can't imagine my life without my Gran, she wasn't just a Grandma she was my confident, my counsellor, and at times like an adoptive mother when mine wasn't around.

I agree talking helps, and it's good to share memories of the good times.

Hi.

I lost my mum after a 2 and a bit years battle with cancer in May. We arranged a date for the funeral and had a 3 week gap in between during which time I thought I had grieved/accepted things. I even went to visit my mum 2 days before the funeral and found that exercise therapeutic.

I have been brought back down to earth since yesterday, the funeral, as I found that I had been hiding everything just below the surface. I am now at the bottom and trying to work out where to go. I am happy to know that I’m being supported around me but no single person has told me ‘this is what you must do’ and that is the key.

I am hoping that you will find your strength and that you will be able to find your way forward. Don’t rush anything and don’t hesitate to let the emotion out 

I’m in a very similar position. Lost my mum on 31 May after a 2.5 year battle with secondary breast cancer. My mum was a huge part of my life and lived with me for the last 6 months. 

Hi ya, the fact that you are still hear and posting on here means you will get through it, you are already finding strength you didn't know you had. I suspect you are feed up of hearing that, i know i am (lost my dad to cancer 5th April and mum 29th May, again to cancer). 

I remember sitting on the sofa on the 29th May feeling numb and shocked, the last 7 mths have been a nightmare when it all started, with dad we got told 6-12mths and whilst we got a few days to prepare for him going we were still thinking it would be a few more months. Mum got diagnosed this year and terminal already. The day before she went my brother saw her and we agreed probably a few weeks left. The shock of getting a call the next morning, then 15mins later she had gone. Like you we weren't there but actually she wouldn't have wanted us there and she was ready and with who she wanted to be with and now out of physical and mental pain, and that is the comfort i have to take.

You will cope, things will never be the same again but you will be stronger. Keep talking and massive hugs xx