I just feel lost

Hi. I lost my mum nearly 3 weeks ago and I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to be. I relate totally to your post. Mum never really accepted her prognosis so we took lead from her. No big talks, etc.   just kept fighting whilst loosing ground. I didn’t see mum the morning she died - I was preoccupied with getting meds that had been left out of her end of life pack - when I arrived she’d been gone at least half an hour ..   Please try to be comforted that you saw your dad the day before he passed. As I am with mum. I do wish I’d been there but it is done. I find realising that she is not here now so difficult.  You said that your dad did not seem to suffer so much - that is comforting- and hopefully will help you process gradually x 

Hi prestonjohn,

i lost my dad on 8th May to oesophageal cancer. Yes I was there at the end and yes we had a funeral. But.... be thankful that your dad didn’t suffer. My dad did. I watched on helplessly for weeks as the cancer ravaged his body. It ( or the meds, don’t know which) took his mind at times, and when he was ‘with it’, he could remember what had happened and was scared and frightened. I’ve watched him writhe about in absolute agony, crying out for someone to help him. I felt helpless and hopeless and now I just feel so lost and hopeless. I am a ‘fixer’ ... but this time I couldn’t fix it, no matter how hard I tried.

i think your dad is incredibly brave and selfless to donate his body for the good of others. You must be immensely proud of him!