Newly bereaved. Nothing prepared me for it.

Hi JBJ48. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I’m in a different position, I lost my beloved mum to bowel cancer last september. That’s what is so helpful about this site, we are connected to people on here because of awful cancer. When mum’s funeral was over, relatives stayed in touch for a couple of weeks, then they go back to their normal lives. My relatives are lovely people and if I really needed them, I could just pick up a phone. Everyone, deals with grief differently. I have a lot of those big and not so big waves of grief. I find the weekend the worst too, I will be glad when it’s monday.  I wish there was a magic cure for grief. What’s got me through the last few months is family, friends, the lovely people on here and believing that mum is still around and watching over me. Mum might not be here in physical form but, mum will be always beside me in spirit. If you want to keep in touch just send me a friend request. With this site, you realise your not alone and people on here will help/support you. Take care xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, people are cowards about death. I don’t know how else to say it, but most people do their utmost to run away from their mortality (I was once the same before I went through it myself), and seeing another person’s grief is almost too ‘real’ for many people to deal with. It’s very sad, and silly considering life and death are inevitably interlinked, but there we are.

I don’t believe many people avoid someone to deliberately be hurtful, but it certainly exposes their weakness and it can cause great pain as you know. I have been astounded by the disappearance of old friends who basically ran a mile a few weeks after my Mum died. I know it’s so hard, but try to keep your heart open and I promise new people will enter your life in time. It takes a while and honesty, but often the friend for a reason/season phrase is very true. 

Please keep talking to us too, as we all care x

Just to add that some people may think they are giving you ‘space’ to cope with your grief. I know it sounds like a rubbish excuse but to some people they may think you want to be alone at this time. Be honest if they ask how you feel. Take care x

Thank you Hope_29. You could well be right - people can be absolute cowards and it certainly makes sense to think that they find their own mortality almost too much to deal with when faced with death and bereavement in others. I do however have to accept that some, hopefully in the minority, really don't care and that would be a shock to most I think. 

I've had two lovely replies on this forum so thank you for that Hope and Sunny. 

On a positive note, I had a most unexpected invitation to go out for lunch yesterday from someone I would only have described as an acquaintance and surprise surprise, I accepted. It was lovely. They were so caring and concerned for me which is amazing given that we don't really know each other that well. They said they had experience of people drifting away after the funeral so we were immediately on the same wavelength. It was a very warm experience and came at just the right time so never a truer word Hope. 

Thank you again. Sending warm wishes to both of you and grateful thanks for taking the time to respond to me. 

JBJ48