Dealing with the loss of my Dad

Evening!! 

I’ve come here tonight to chat too- similar situation, I lost my mum 2 weeks ago, 12 days after a 2 week prognosis and immediate palliative care. We only found the cancer 6 days before that. 

It is is an absolute world wind isn’t it. I think all our feelings and emotions are obviously to be expected when we have experienced such a thing. For me, I try to see the positives about having such a short time frame- and I know mum didn’t have a long time to be scared or suffer- I understand that will not be everyone’s approach but for my personal situation, my mum would have been very frightened - she didn’t know the prognosis, we did- she just knew it was terminal. 

It will take us a long long time to adjust. Maybe it would be helpful to talk more about your dad (as he was, before the cancer). I’ve been finding myself lost in thought about mum and sometimes I say out loud ‘love you mum’ my fiancée thinks I am crazy!! I just want to keep her around, I feel I don’t want to stop talking about her as want her to remain in my life - will you find any comfort in this? I also want to replace the last week of her deterioration in my head- I find it SO painful- traumatic to remember and find myself breaking down when I focus on the ‘recent’ instead of mum- that’s not our parents, just such a tiny tiny part of a eventful happy life they had. 

The pain is unbelievable, I am so sorry this even happens to people- to us, to you. 

Sending positive and warm thoughts xxx

Evening!! 

I’ve come here tonight to chat too- similar situation, I lost my mum 2 weeks ago, 12 days after a 2 week prognosis and immediate palliative care. We only found the cancer 6 days before that. 

It is is an absolute world wind isn’t it. I think all our feelings and emotions are obviously to be expected when we have experienced such a thing. For me, I try to see the positives about having such a short time frame- and I know mum didn’t have a long time to be scared or suffer- I understand that will not be everyone’s approach but for my personal situation, my mum would have been very frightened - she didn’t know the prognosis, we did- she just knew it was terminal. 

It will take us a long long time to adjust. Maybe it would be helpful to talk more about your dad (as he was, before the cancer). I’ve been finding myself lost in thought about mum and sometimes I say out loud ‘love you mum’ my fiancée thinks I am crazy!! I just want to keep her around, I feel I don’t want to stop talking about her as want her to remain in my life - will you find any comfort in this? I also want to replace the last week of her deterioration in my head- I find it SO painful- traumatic to remember and find myself breaking down when I focus on the ‘recent’ instead of mum- that’s not our parents, just such a tiny tiny part of a eventful happy life they had. 

The pain is unbelievable, I am so sorry this even happens to people- to us, to you. 

Sending positive and warm thoughts xxx

Am sorry for your loss, I felt like I needed to reply when I saw your post. It's only a few weeks since losing my mum and I felt that I needed to also reach out to people who have been or are going though the same. 

Was the same for me with the palliative care was so quick. Still doesn't seen real. I have been writing to her which feels !like some kind of release, feels like I am talking to her even though I know there will be no rep!y, this has helped me a little. Also coming on here and listening to other people's experiences and sharing my own. 

You're not alone, it hurts in a way that is hard to understand. 

Good evening. 

I'm sorry for your loss, the pain is unbelievable. 

This isn't meant to sound in at all a bad way I am grateful my dad didn't suffer, we was taken very quick from us. 

I do want to talk about my dad it find it extremely difficult to do so as there is always the lump in my throat when I even think about him. I talk to him all the time. I want to remember the happy times, like the holidays we had, family day outs. I have some amazing pictures of him. 

He has left such a huge void in all our lives as am sure your mum has too. People keep telling me it will get better in time but I don't feel they really understand.  

Sending the positive thoughts your way xx

Hey Soph79, 

It was your post that made me write mine.

I joined the group and after reading your post and seeing the positive and warm feelings, I decided that I would write.

It is a pain that no one understands unless they have gone through it. I started to write to my dad and tell him about my day what I have done how much I missed him. I Don believe form the response I have had that maybe this little group will help us.

Sending warm thoughts your way. 

Hi soph

It isn’t real is it. I have been wondering when else in life you are told the worst thing ever is about to happen to you- and then you just wait for it to happen and are completely powerless over it?! It is just not normal or a common life experience. 

I did SO much heart wrenching crying in that week leading up to her death, I remember 7 days before her passing my brother was on his way home, I ran water to wash up, turned the tap off and literally fell on my kitchen floor, the sobs that came out of me- I ended up sat against the kitchen cupboard for half an hour just inconsolable- for me the medical stuff killed me- knowing she wasn’t eating or drinking anymore- I feel physically sick thinking about it, I screamed to my fiancée that it was inhumane and he needed to do something. I havnt cried like that since, it’s a different kind of pain for me now- the missing empty feeling in my heart- not the high alert desperation before, after that I purposefully chose not to concern myself with medical information anymore as it was so traumatic. I wonder if I am going to get worse- as actually writing this, I feel her loss has been the lesser of two evils (does that make sense) as the waiting for her to die and the watching was the worst thing I have and probably will ever experience- I am changed forever and will never be the same. We have more strength and courage than anyone who hasn’t sat there through something like this. 

What have you been writing? That’s so lovely. I’ve found a lot of letters and diaries in my mums things and I have read some, I’ve learnt so much about her and felt so close to her. 

We had the funeral yesterday, I already feel today my partner and friends are going back to before- normal conversations and not asking how I am in relation to the death. In my head I’m just like ITS BEEN 2 weeks since my mum died , I don’t want to forget her or move on or just carry on, I kind of want to stay in mourning to keep her memory carrying on. I know and accept my life will never be the same, I am worried my partner just thinks that’s done now!! 

Lovely to hear from you, and those literally in the same position. Xxx