Struggling to cope.

I’m very sorry to hear about the death of your Mum. It sounds like she did a brilliant job of raising you and your sister, and I really believe we don’t quite understand the full intricacies of a loved one’s giving and loving until after they are gone - you can feel extremely grateful for that person and utterly lost by their physical absence at the same time. Grief can be very messy and contradictory, and unfortunately there is no running away from those feelings when they feel overwhelming. Practicalities surrounding death like sorting the funeral and finances sort of focuses your attention in a strange way, and when that is settled it is easy to feel adrift with your feelings.

Don’t feel scared to talk about your feelings - you are not alone in these feelings, despite how it may seem. Grief is somewhat invisible, but people on here understand and are ready to listen. Counselling sounds like a good idea to have an impartial listener to however you are feeling. If you have close family or friends don’t feel scared to talk to them. Be kind to yourself x

Hello ,

I am really sorry to hear of your lose of your Mum, just because it was 2017 doesn't mean the grief will disappear and your really have nothing to be apologising for. Your not letting anyone down at work, its you now that need the extra support. It sounds like its delayed shock to you too since you have been so busy trying to put all her affairs in order you probably didn't give yourself some time to grieve. I think our emotional trauma can take time to go away and its always going to be in the back ground but you can learn to deal with these emotions. Counselling sounds a great idea for you it will give you the opportunity to sound out all your emotions in a safe place, these councillors are really understanding and can give you coping mechanisms. If you phone the helpline they maybe able to put you in touch with some support in your area. 

Sending you a big hug and sincere condolences

Hello Johnboy,

I am so sorry for your loss. Your beloved mum sounds like an amazing lady, raising you and your sister and always being there with a listening ear and an open heart. That special relationship you had is so important and so formative - what an amazing gift.

I'm so sorry you are finding things really hard at the moment and as others have said, please try not to blame yourself for this or think that you shouldn't be feeling this way. Although your mum's affairs are now settled, there's no real logic that says that should change how you feel about losing her.  Grief is so difficult, and it is still very poorly understood by most people - the fact that others can't understand or relate can make us feel even more lonely, vulnerable or isolated, and the lack of understanding can easily make you short-tempered with people. I'm like that sometimes too and it doen't feel like me either. I think that looking for a bereavement counsellor is a really good idea since it offers a safe, dedicated space to talk openly about your feelings with someone who is trained to listen. I hope you can find a service near you that offers what you are looking for - and I hope that it helps. Is there any support service at all where you work? 

I lost my mum fairly recently (coming up to 6 months now). We were very close too, very open emotionally. I've been posting on this site a bit to connect with others who have lost their mums and it's helped me feel supported but the wonderful, caring community here. I haven't yet tried formal counselling - for some reason I'm holding off, not sure why - I think it might be something I come to a little later. 

Please feel free to share and reach out anytime if it helps.

Best wishes to you