i wanted you to find a group where I knew you’d be heard and understood, and hopefully, helped. You posted in the right place to ask for help, it was just I knew a group where you’d be welcomed and understood. Yes, it was me, another Dad’s girl, who replied. Your Dad sounds as if he was a wonderful, generous, self effacing man, and I’m not surprised you loved him.
you really DO need to grieve, everyone needs to do this at their own pace, in their own way, there’s no right or wrong about it as we are all individuals!
i still wish I could ask my Dad things, tell him things, show him things, but he died probably way before you were born. It is still sad but I’m much more able to cope now, and the knowledge that it’s expected that our parents go first, has somehow come to feel more natural.
But please don’t let anyone tell you that your way of mourning your Dad is wrong and you shouldn’t cry any more. If this becomes too hard then maybe contact that Macmillan nurse again and ask if they can suggest some counselling for you.
Shelby, I’m so glad you’ve been in contact with a service like that, there’s so much more available now, but inevitably there’s a wait.
Please do find a way of being able to cry in a quiet space away from anyone, I know sometimes it’s hard to disguise that you’ve been crying (sometimes you feel a blubbering mess afterwards) but I do think if you could perhaps get away into the countryside, alone, find a way, then I’m sure it would help. Spare some time for this.....
As a nurse you know that your own life and professional life do get mixed up together and that’s perhaps why you have found this even harder as you know all the theory behind his last illness, and have perhaps had the expectation upon you to be detached about his death? But it’s hit you deep inside as well, perhaps this is what others around you haven’t quite grasped?
Sending more hugs xxx
ps, please spare a bit of time to fill in a short profile, it will help others to see how you’ve been affected and be able to help comfort. It needn’t be long (mine is a bit like War and Peace as I’ve had two cancers rather too close!) just click on your user name and then onto edit my profile.
And don’t forget that the lovely staff on the phone lines can help too, 0808 808 0000, or even Samaritans if you just need to feel you want to talk to someone, hear a sympathetic voice, to know you are never alone in grief. If you believe and have a Church too, sometimes a minister can help.
