Struggling in pregnancy without my mum

FormerMember over 6 years ago

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I wondered if anyone else is going / has gone through the same thing.

My mum passed away last January. When she was diagnosed I had been on maternity leave and life suddenly went from being amazing to totally changing.. we spent most of my maternity leave within hospitals whilst she had operations, recovered or went through treatment..just as she finished her treatment and we were finally feeling like there was light at the end of the tunnel she was then gone.. It felt so unfair. She never really got to enjoy her granddaughter and it feels like we missed out on so much.

I have recently found out I am pregnant again ( something my husband and I had talked about so I thought I would be over the moon), but so far I am really struggling.

It seems to have brought up some really intense feelings of grief.. I am really struggling...Since losing mum I felt for a while like I was living alongside life rather than part of it. I went to counselling which helped me a little but I feel like I am really not coping at the moment..the thought of going through pregnancy without my mum scares me and I feel so lonely. I mindful about not showing how I am feeling to my toddler but I don't have a close group of friends and everything seems be becoming overwhelming.

FormerMember over 6 years ago

Hi, I am not in same circumstances but have lost a mum, the ‘return of intense grief’ resonated.

Pregnancy is bound to bring back so many memories and then make you miss your mum. Your last pregnancy was spent focused on getting your mum better. The hospitals and appointments. This pregnancy is bound to bring back really vivid memories and then just generally missing her, she’s your mum.

It’s hard to talk to people about it too, even those closest to you. On the face of it this a very happy time, but the happy times have that sadness, which can be hard to explain to anyone outside of your own head.

You can mourn for her as long as you need to. It’s the fear that is harder to deal with. Those feelings of being overwhelmed. You sound like you have a lovely family, try and keep talking, get a bit of head space too, let yourself miss her. I know it sometimes helps me when I verbalise it to my family and husband and then allow myself to be sad too. I didn’t do that for a long time and it led to anxiety.

I responded as I lost my dad in February this year. I feel like I’m back to start again in terms of intense grief.. trying to take my own advice and keep talking but it is hard.

I just wanted to reach out and say, I hope that today is better and we will get there x x

FormerMember over 6 years ago

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I've been where you are (baby and pregnant again when my mum died) and I know you must feel such heartache at the moment, it feels bittersweet to have precious children without your mum - but you will cope and your babies will give you the strength to carry on. I know you must feel overwhelmed at times, but please reach out on here, to your family or consider grief counselling. It's extremely important to talk if you're struggling, especially with two young children. Try your hardest to find some time in the day for you to feel however you need to feel. Rest when you can.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I promise there are better days ahead and your Mum will live on through you and your children x

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