Four years ago today I lost my mum to ovarian cancer. She bravely fought for 18 months and in that time not once did she let cancer make her sad. Yes she cried over the pain she was in, when her fell out and when she realised that she wouldn't see her grandchildren grow up, but everyday she made sure she had something to smile about. She put a positive spin on absolutely everything she could, she even named her ovarian tumour Petunia and her stoma bag was called Armani (because she knew she could never afford a real one) With all her positivity I never really thought that the day would come when I would get that dreaded phone call from my step dad, but I did. Instead of sitting at home, feeling lonely and bereft on that day, I decided to get up and go out with my family and celebrate my mum's life in one of her favourite places, the good old british seaside. My mum and her leaving me so early has made me realise how precious life really is and that it's not just a saying.
As I lay awake the other night, thinking of my mum and unable to cry because all I could think of were happy things, I wrote a crappy little poem. I wasn't going to share it but I've decided to now because if it just one person reads it and realises that they aren't alone in dealing with cancer then I'd be happy. Thanks mum, for everything. Love you xxx
Today...
Seven years ago today you were just my mum and nanny at the seaside, we came to visit you and we laughed so much we cried.
Six years ago today you started to feel ill and that's when things started to go downhill.
Five years ago today i watched you change, to think you had cancer was so strange.
Four years ago today i lost you, now what was i supposed to do?
Three years ago today i found out i had the brca1 gene, life was no longer so serene.
Two years ago today i was getting ready to have my op, without you by my side i was going for the chop.
A year ago today we were busy packing, we had just bought our first house and i knew we'd have your backing.
Today we are now thinking of you mum, of all the lovely times and fun, that we used to have when we used to meet, and now i feel my life is incomplete.
Cancer is a terrible thing, it takes life away as we try to cling, onto the memories of our loved ones, our mums, dads, daughters and sons, and all the ones inbetween, you will never be forgotten because you have seen, how precious life really is.
