Is it possible to have PTSD from watching a loved one die from cancer?

Hi

I feel exactly the same. I'm sat here crying now.

My dad had it in his neck they operated and placed a metal bar to his neck so he would never be able to move it again but got rid of the pain for a few weeks.

I typed in Google search and found your post x 

I keep having flashbacks as I was there when my dad found out he had cancer, he was complaining about a back neck for a few weeks collapsed at home after a doctors appointment, his neck gave him that much pain they thought he had broken it..but he hadn't he had cancer there and from that day he was in hospital then a hospice, we lost him 2 months later.

I was there for his diagnosis went to his meeting that no one else could attend, I was told all the bad news which then I had to tell my mum/brother and kids.

The worst part was for us at this one meeting that he had cancer in his kidneys but not in the neck.

We never got to talk to anyone which now I'm left very angry.

I phoned the hospital to be told a Macmillan nurse had left a yellow folder for us to read...me thinking it was leaflets but no worse. It stated my dad had cancer in 4 other places, so again I have to pass the bad news on.

Next time I spoke to someone was because they made him an appointment at Leeds hospital from when he was diagnosed @ 6 weeks. Again no one had spoken to us before then for them to tell me he has weeks left. I feel so angry with how we were treated like how you feel with everyone remembering the good times I'm just remembering the bad conversations me and my dad had to hear together.

Do I just get on and grieve or do I need to talk to someone to get these thoughts out of my head.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I know just how your feeling xx 

PS hope you understood all that. I'm not really good a writing especially how I feel

Hi 

Yes, I understand.  The bad memory's will never leave you but are over ridden by the good in time. I'm now here in Thailand, it's a place where my dad always wanted to go but he was in his sixties then and did not have the confidence to travel.  I sit here every day, same restaurant (I'm a creature of habit), he sits here with me smiling, saying things to me that he always would.  It's good you have family close, but I'm not saying it always helps.  I'm going to a mental health clinic soon.  Family want me home.  My message is, no matter who horrendous it is, hold tight to the people you love and never made mistakes I did of turning to drink and drugs for comfort then consequently walking out of a well paying job.  My dad would be so angry with me right now.  xxx

I no this what posted a long time ago so you might not get this. But this is exactly the same as me :(. 

I was 25. I lost my grandad to cancer and watched it. Did you manage to get yourself back in the end? How long did it take. I don’t talk to anyone about it. But the whole experience has messed me up. I think I locked it away in a box in my mind. I didn’t talk about it and because of that I didn’t grieve my grandad properly, but everytime I try and go there i get this gut turning feeling and I shake it off and tell my self no! Don’t open the box. But it’s always there. His face. The fear, his cry’s for help! The fact he knew he was dying and didn’t want to! The rattle in the lungs and the clammy skin. And then I think about what if I have to go through this again with my parents? I couldn’t. Life is different now. I feel detached. I’m not the same. Will I ever feel better ? I wish I never seen death. I’m glad I was there for my grandad and he was so loved in his final moments but it’s all I see now. Family talk about happy memories. I can’t see anything but the way life was snatched away from him. And the nightmare that haunts my every thought. 

Hi x

Sorry to here your sadness, I just showed my daughter this as she only said the other day that she just can't remember what life was with her grandad. (She's 22 and was very very close to him) that shocked me because they were so close she is having a phone counselling tomorrow.

 I still can't seem to think back any further from that horrible day, I look at his photo every day on my phone give him a kiss and tell him off. 

We are getting on in life he would have hated all this to be stuck inside isolating.

I understand what you're saying x I’m just waiting to see what the counsellor has to say to my daughter. I don’t think I need it just yet if at all. I wish I could just turn the clocks back just so we could have a quick reminisce and a big hug. 
I'm here if you ever want to talk xx

karen