Sedated now, with syringe driver being fitted.
Got his favourite iTunes playlist of Welsh stuff playing ...... Tom Jones, Stereophonics, Goldie Looking Chain. Was wondering if I would ever be able to play this again, maybe not after today. Picturing him in the sitting room, singing along and whistling in the way that used to drive me mad.
Oh my love.
Second night in the hospice, and this time I am staying over. Got back at about 10am after a rotten night and early morning at home. Pete was ok early on, managed to have some conversation, but later in the day he lapsed into sleep and pretty much stayed there. He managed to watch about 5 minutes of the Ireland-Italy match, but wanted the set off before Wales came on. He couldn't operate the remote control which was always…
Last night I brought two of the dogs in. They behaved brilliantly, and Pete was pleased to see them. Took them home about 10 pm. Torn between having them here or not. If they are here, it means less focus on Pete, and there is only me, I can't simply ask someone else to walk them . If they are at home, at least my Mum can let them into the garden and my brother is arriving today to look after her, so he will also help…
never expected to be here this soon. Pete was desperate to get out of hospital, and the home care package couldn't be sorted quickly enough. Luckily the hospice have taken us in, huge room with natural daylight, peace and quiet, and lovely staff. Don't want to be here or in this situation, but as we have no choice, I think this is the best we can have.
Pete has not accepted that he is going to die, although…
When Pete went into hospital 5 days ago, it was meant to be a blip, something they would fix and then he would come home and we'd get on with chemotherapy. Today we found out that he has gone downhill so fast because his liver is riddled with the disease. It was clear on a scan only 5 weeks ago, but the cancer is running amok and has more or less taken his liver over. More tumours in his lungs too. There may be others…
