I ought to be asleep but apparently my brain thought better of that and decided lying awake thinking about the lymph nodes in my neck was infinitely more interesting. Radiotherapy starts in just under 6 hours so I ought to get some sleep but it's looking doubtful. People can survive, albeit in a really crazy hallucinating way without sleep for a fair while so I think I'm safe.
I'm hoping the lymph nodes in my…
We're in the Peak District and it's lovely. If you like greenery, hills and birdsong this is basically paradise. I'm desperately trying to enjoy myself instead of focusing on the weirdness going on in my neck. It's not really working as well as I'd like. I keep trying to remind myself that really if you think about the likelihood of illnesses, cancer around my voice box sounds really less likely than a lot of other, far…
I guess finally finishing work was inevitably going to lead to some pretty unappealing emotions but I didn't expect it to start as soon as I left the building on Friday night. It's been a really tough weekend so far. The stone fell out of my engagement ring on Friday night and I couldn't find it. Normally I'd be beside myself for something that meant so much to me but it seems in the fog of cancer and all that goes with…
Today is my last day at work before I go off for a break and get myself geared up for a slightly less pressured start to radiotherapy. I nearly skipped out of the door but of course I feel awful for going off, even on annual leave in case anyone needs anything. Seriously need to care a bit less about my job I think.
I'm caffeine propelled too today. I got up at 5am in the end because I was devastated that while I was…
I think it's fair to say that with just one day left at work, I'm ready to let go. Mentally I've very little room for any more. I've been carrying cancer, a project, a team of nearly 20 and the various emotional needs of the people around me since I got cancer, for 3 and a half months. Now I know I'm just 1 day at work away from going off for some time and starting radiotherapy I can feel myself losing grasp of my normal…
