Last week I was told that I would have to have a double masectomy - I had cancer in my right breast 14 years ago (1995) and had a lumpectomy, radiotherapy and Tamoxifen. Now I have a recurrence in that breast together with new cancers in my left breast. I go through stages of numbness, sadness and sheer terror at the prospect of losing my boobs. My lovely fiance has said it won't make any difference to the way he feels about me, which is great, but I feel different about the way I feel about myself.
My youngest daughter [15] is in South Korea on a holiday visiting a school friend, and she doesn't know - I will have had my surgery 5 days before she is due to return. I don't know what to do - she will be so upset. My other children, 19, 32 and 35, are being very supportive.
I know I should pull myself together, but I really wasn't expecting this to happen - I just went for a routine mammogram and since then my life has turned upside down.
I would love someone to get in touch as it is so difficult for those nearest to really understand.
Juliette
FormerMember
Juliette, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I wonder, why is it we all think that we should pull ourselves together. I know that having just had a left mastectomy I still can't pull myself together so I don't see why you should have to. It is devastating and we are in shock. Because this is all still new to me I can't tell you how long before you start to get your head round all this but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, even though I fully understand your feeling that - I still feel lonely a lot of the time which is why I come on this site. If you want to contact me please feel free to anytime. I hope the op goes well and that you manage to hang in there.
I'm so sorry you are facing this operation. I think every woman understands how devastating it is to lose both breasts. Is there a possibility they will offer you a reconstruction or implants? There are some women on this site who have had reconstructions and may be able to offer support or advice. As to telling your youngest daughter - perhaps you could feed the information to her in small pieces? May be you could tell her you are going to have surgery but only fill her in with the full story when she returns?
Keep blogging and you will find plenty of support from the folk on this site.
I'm so sorry its come back and you find yourself having to have surgery. I had a single mastectomy in Oct 2008 and recovered quickly. But I miss my boob, I didn't think I would but think that was the initial shock and reaction of "OK get it out now". I feel lopsided ;o)) but I am still here and hopefully will be for a long time.
This may sound strange, but I sometimes wish that they had taken both of mine, so that I would be equal. Daft thought really.
Anyway good luck with the op and with telling your daughter. If you want to PM me feel free.
Thanks to Sue, Carol and KateG for your comments - I've never done a blog before so I wasn't really expecting a reply!!
I'm feeling a bit better now, but every so often I remember what's in store for me, but it does help knowing that i'm not alone. My children are coming round tongiht and we're all having a meal together, so that will be nice. I've got my bone scan tomorrow and seeing the docs again next week. thanks again everyone x
Hi Juliette, just wanted to wish you good luck with the forthcoming surgery. It will be a shock to your daughter, but hopefully you will be feeling ok by the time she sees you which will go a long way to reassuring her. Have a lovely meal tonight with your family and let us know how the bone scan goes. Will be thinking of you, Christine xx
