Well its official im a miserable cow at the moment , i know i have good reason but i hate feeling like this and thought blogging might help ,
I was expecting it but i got a stroppy phonecall from a family member last night asking why i hadnt put ju,s name in a xmas card (we have had this before ,they want me to pretend to someone that ju is still with us ) well im sorry i cant do it , it just breaks my heart ,i would do anything to have him back as i told them but once again they just wont understand ,if honest i did get very upset but they werent bothered , i also have got nasty virus so was feeling sorry for myself anyway ,i also havent been sleeping well again , im back to waking up at 4 am every morning ,and thats all without christmas,
I was also speaking to my sons favourite grandad yesterday and apparantly when he asked him what he wanted for christmas his answer was his daddy back :( well you can imagine how much that hurt , and apparantly he wont show me how much he misses him as he needs to look after me ,
I know how lucky i am ,i have 3 beautiful incredibly strong children, amazing friends , bit i feel so incredibly lonely and sad at the moment even in a room full of people ,i havent felt this sad or tearful for a long time , i nearly picked up the phone and told a friend last night but i couldnt do it ,they have enough to deal with without me crying on their shoulder ,
I just wish christmas was over and done with but then got to face the new year , I just hope this pain eases soon as this isnt me, i used to love christmas but i just want to hibernate and come out when its all over,
Ok moan over, i would like to wish you all a happy christmas and lots of love and hugs xxxxx
in memory of a very special husband and dad , we miss you xxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAzEhjooP3s
