Why am i so sad ?

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

19 Dec 2010

Well its official im a miserable cow at the moment , i know i have good reason but i hate feeling like this and thought blogging might help ,

I was expecting it but i got a stroppy phonecall from a family member last night asking why i hadnt put ju,s name in a xmas card (we have had this before ,they want me to pretend to someone that ju is still with us ) well im sorry i cant do it , it just breaks my heart ,i would do anything to have him back as i told them but once again they just wont understand ,if honest i did get very upset but they werent bothered , i also have got nasty virus so was feeling sorry for myself anyway ,i also havent been sleeping well again , im back to waking up at 4 am every morning ,and thats all without christmas,

I was also speaking to my sons favourite grandad yesterday and apparantly when he asked him what he wanted for christmas his answer was his daddy back :( well you can imagine how much that hurt , and apparantly he wont show me how much he misses him as he needs to look after me ,

I know how lucky i am ,i have 3 beautiful incredibly strong children, amazing friends , bit i feel so incredibly lonely and sad at the moment even in a room full of people ,i havent felt this sad or tearful for a long time , i nearly picked up the phone and told a friend last night but i couldnt do it ,they have enough to deal with without me crying on their shoulder ,

I just wish christmas was over and done with but then got to face the new year , I just hope this pain eases soon as this isnt me, i used to love christmas but i just want to hibernate and come out when its all over,

Ok moan over, i would like to wish you all a happy christmas and lots of love and hugs xxxxx

in memory of a very special husband and dad , we miss you xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAzEhjooP3s

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Jenni, my heart goes out to youxx (((HUGS)))

This is such a difficult time of year for anyone dealing with the loss of a loved on, let alone their soulmate and the father of their children. You cannot possibly be expected to continue to write Jules name in cards, you are trying to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer here and this is a completely insensitive thing for anyone to even consider. (families, eh...cant choose 'em!) You are fully entitled to be feeling sad, this time of year always makes emotions run higher, and it is perfectly normal that the thought of facing your first christmas without your beloved is too hard for you to deal with. You have been trying to be so strong for your children, but its okay to feel sad, in fact perhaps they might even benefit from seeing that you are so sad as it may help your son in particular to share his feelings a bit more? Being a mum is a hard job, and you are doing it wonderfuly for both of you, so please dont feel bad that your son has voiced to his grandad what he wont to you, I think that this is pretty normal. Please never feel bad for needing a little rant on here, you of all people deserve some support in return for all you have provided.

You will get through christmas, it wont be easy but togetehr with your children you will survuve it. Jules will be with you in your heart and in every memory of every christmas shared, try to take comfort from the thought that those memories are for keeps and forever in your heart. Youre doing a great job,dont be too hard on yourself. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way, Sharon xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hey hunni,

Big hugs to you

I feel exactly the same about xmas, things will never be the same again will they???

Lovely song choice....just beautiful. xxx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

my thoughts are with you at this time . i'm recently widowed 6/12 , i'm dreading xmas but have to do it for the kids. please feel to chat with me anytime
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi jen

my thoughts are with you i know how you feel. Thinking of you. Junexxxx
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KateG over 14 years ago

After my father died my mother used to say, "I always feel most alone in a room full of people". Your one SPECIAL person isn't with you so you're bound to feel empty. The first anniversary of anything (first Christmas, birthday, of the period leading up to his death) is bound to be difficult.

Best wishes,

KateG
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