On the bus to work today it was really hard not to cry, sometimes i wish i was just a crying withering wreck all the time so people didnt just think im fine and dandy but however much i try and can never make all the pain come out when i want it to. Just in inapropriate places like on the damn bus!
I've been walking around like a zombie and i feel the real urge to scream at people 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHATS HAPPENED…
People keep expecting me to go back to normal. This is never going to happen! The things I've been thru have changed me for good. I will not let myself return to normal because it will make all that I've been thru for nothing.
This is my time to grieve and im sick of listening to people talk about sh*t that really doesnt matter and im fed up with hearing peoples stupid problems that can be solved in an instant…
When i left him on Thursday night i didnt want to but i knew there was no point in me being there. I got the phone call friday morning that he had died. Apparantly his last few hours were very unsettled and he kept fighting till the end. I went and said my last see you later. I know he will always be there and that he has slipped over the horizon just out of sight.
I feel so numb and then all of a sudden the reality…
I cant believe how much he has changed in just a couple of days.Monday morning he was sat up in bed talking then monday night everything in him gave up and he could bearly breath. He now cant talk, cant really move much and isnt eating or drinking. When i visited him earlier i had to leave because he became very distressed and i think it was because he didnt want me seeing him like it. I dont know what he wants and thats…
Not much more than a year ago our troubles seemed so important. Money, Work blah blah blah. Then we got the news and all our troubles seemed so stupid and my whole view on life change. It has made me realise how important and precious life is. There really is no importance in money or things, the single most important thing in our lives is happiness, for ourselves and those we love.
Its been a longest year of my life…
