I feel so bloody useless. I live 30 miles away from my mum and dad, have a busy job that requires me to be on top of my game otherwise I put lifes at risk and I feel I cannot do enough to help. I love my mum so much and want to spend every minute of every day with her but it is just not possible but I feel bad about it. My sister is always there at the right time helping out and being all practical and I am not. When I get to visit I am always jolly and make her laugh and that makes me happy but I am sure I should be doing more. I get tearful at the drop of a hat because I do not know how I will cope without having her in my life, she is always there on the sidelines waiting to help me out should I need it, emotionally, financially, with sound advice, I have always needed my mum and I will still need her and she won't be around. I have no idea how long she is expected to be around for as she has told the doctors that she does not want to know. I understand her reasons but I am petrified that I will not have done enough or spent enough time with her to make up for all the years that I am not going to have her around anymore. I want to cram it all in but physically can't.
FormerMember
I was with my mum all day & night when my mum got breast cancer. I was 16 & she was 34.
I still felt useless, I did what I could around the house, shopping, looking after my dad & younger brother.
You can't be there all the time but you are still there, on the sidelines doing as much as you can. Making someone laugh & putting on a smile & a brave face make a big difference to someone who is ill. I know because I am recovering from bowel cancer myself.
Keep going, what you're doing will mean a great deal.
hi , i think we all have different roles in the family when a parent gets ill. i was with my dad all the time when he got lung cancer & did what i could on a practical level but my brothers & sisters also had there roles my two brothers took mum & dad to ireland just after his diagnosis because he had always said that he wanted to vist his fathers birth place in thomas town killkenny then they drove him to my mums home town galway to see all our relatives there he got to spend his 73rd birthday with them & loved it . my youngest sister also flew out to join them & they had a great time . we all spoke to him about different things & i think in our own way he gave us great memorries to treasure forever he only lived for six weeks after diagnosis but he packed a lot of living into it.i am in remisson from breast cancer & my five children have also had there different roles . so don't worry to much making your mum laugh & smile is fantastic because it takes her mind off what is happening my kids have made more jokes up about me its unbelieveable lol whatever you do love your mum will apprecate & she will know that you want to be with her but understand why you can't it sounds like you have a great relationship ,being yourself is the most important take care try to worry less & enjoy your mum in the same way you have aways done . love n hugs theresa xxxxx
Thank you for the comments. I know I should not worry. I am going to make a concious effort to not stress over the small things. I am just going to concentrate on being me the person my mum has always loved.
Im so sorry, i feel the same way, I felt so selfish for days as all I was thinking at times was how the hell am i going to juggle this, I too have a demanding job managing over 300 people, demands at home, children, commuting and all I want to do is be with my mum, I dont know yet what her firm diagnosis is, we are with the consultant tomorrow and should find out more.
Its just too hideous for words to think she wont be here, like you she has helped me out financially, emotionally, pickin up kids even doing my ironing cause my job is so demanding and all of a sudden Ive stopped in my tracks and could scream and cry because Im questioning have I taken advantage of her.... she always insisted on helping me out to feel "useful and part of my life" but a thousand doubts sneak into your mind.
My dad died young who I was very close too so I know that this is survivable but god its hard, its taken me 3 years to be able to speak about him without breaking down and the thought of going through it again is horrendous. Why cant we have them forever..?
Im so sorry for your stress and your mums situation.. so sorry.
Thanks for your reply. Everything is so tough and we always want more, but I just want more time, lots more time. I never knew how much I loved her until now, I knew I loved her, but the reality of how much hit me like a tonne of bricks. I know this is the circle of life and life carries on but I am not looking forward to the pain. I keep thinking what she must be going through, how do you deal with knowing that your time is limited. My head is just spinning all the time, I am warn out by it.
