Trying to get food past my strictured gullet into my hungry stomach is a constant battle. I get completely blocked several times a day. Usually with coughing, vomiting and drinking I can unclog within the hour but 3-4 hours without being able to swallow water or saliva is not uncommon.
Coping with the discomfort is compounded by the panic which this situation always invokes.
I try to remain calm and console myself ith…
I am waiting for my Macmillan nurse. I have been referred but as yet have heard nothing. Is two weeks a long time to wait?
I find it so hard to understand where I am at and which questions I should be asking who. Is my endoscopy great news or actually a disappointment. I actually have no idea of knowing. I have no fasmily member or friend to go to appointments with me and am often too tired to do the research myself…
It worries me a bit that I am still feeling so tired most days. Maybe I just expect too much too quickly. I have never been known for my patience! I still have 4 weeks to go until my next scan and endoscopy and the anxiety levels are rising as the dates get nearer. How I dread those words, 'It is no better' or 'incurable'.
The whole experience has left me feeling so small and vulnerable and lonely.
I knew I would likely feel a bit low after the chemo and radiation but, I must admit the depth of my depression has been alarming. I tell myself all the time that it will not last forever and try to take each day one step at a time. It is hard coping ith the tiredness and not being able to eat. I would kill for a slice of toast and am sick of the sight of mashed potato.
My bunnies keep me going. Lucy has had a phantom…
Outpatients at the marsden today. In two months time all the tests will be done again and then we take stock of where we are. It chills me to think ahead . If it hasn't worked, then what?
