Hi Equus, welcome to the group and to the roller coaster ride that all of us here know all too well. I was diagnosed in November 2021, had my hysterectomy in January 2022 and radiotherapy and brachytherapy April-May 2022. It’s a common thing for people diagnosed with cancer to feel responsible for how our loved ones deal with our health situation, and it’s understandable to want to help them, but in reality it’s their own responsibility.
To me the best thing I felt I could do for my husband was to take responsibility for myself, to cope and to be determined to get through it, which for me meant taking a deep breath, adopting a pragmatic approach and getting it all done. I was honest with him about how I felt - eg feeling overwhelmed/afraid/anxious/crabby - and spelled out to him what I needed from him at that time, which was usually a bit of reassurance but no fuss and lots of normality. I turned to him for hugs and prayers when needed, but also endeavoured to deal with things myself and not make him always feel responsible for how I felt. I made sure he kept his hobbies and took time to do things he enjoyed (eg golf, fishing) - in other words so that it wasn’t always all about me. I took advantage of the support my CNS offered and phoned them frequently - sometimes before I told him how I was feeling, so that I didn’t overburden him. I also phoned the Macmillan support line and got support from them when needed, again, so that I wasn’t risking draining him. I encouraged him to think of a few trusted friends that he could talk to about my cancer. If needed, so that he had an outlet. For him this was primarily his golf buddies. I’m quite an independent person but I also thought of little practical things he could do to help me, so that he felt there were things he could do to help.I made him aware of the Macmillan helpline but I don’t think he ever used it.
I had my scan and hysteroscopy on Thursday The consultant took biopsies of a large polyp and endometrium which she said looked suspicious
I am waiting for an urgent MRI pelvic scan.
Telling my husband is the worst thing I have ever had to do. God knows how he will cope if my results are really bad. It is so hard to deal with family and friends emotions when you are in turmoil yourselfI think MarmiteFan59 has some very good advice on how to deal with it don't you?
