Reaching out for some wise words as I seem to come off the rails slightly. I am going through the ‘tests to rule out cancer’ process. I’m generally a positive person who refuses to be defeated. I’m a Buddhist (SGI) and also a Art Psychotherapist. Age 50, had severe bleeding for a few years, been on HRT for 9 months. The Buddhism is keeping me straight mostly. The job is massively demanding and the hardest thing to do. The waiting is sometimes manageable, sometimes not (like today). I have had a transvaginal scan which I was told ‘everything’s fine, I can’t see anything strange’ by the enthusiastic radiologist. GP disagreed and said p a ‘mass’ has been found on your right ovary and your endometrium is thicker than it should be’. Cue a blood test, which I’m told ruled out some ovarian cancers, but not sure as the info they gave was vague. I had an endometrial biopsy which resulted in 10 days of pain and bleeding and not knowing what the H was going on, no result yet. The hospital gave me zero info about the biopsy before or what to do after, and just shoved a couple of pads in my hand and said ‘there you go, love. Expect a couple of days of light bleeding’. I was still in shock as I didn’t even know they were going to do this procedure. Dr. Google is an ARSE for those of us with White Coat Syndrome (another story). Upshot is I have metritis - infection of the womb (as a result of the biopsy). On antibiotics which have thankfully done the trick. Today it’s the MRI. Woke up at 4am and have to work after MRI, so bracing myself for that (my clients are mainly neurodiverse children, so re-scheduling etc. needs very careful planning). I have asked for self-employed support from Macmillan, but as the main breadwinner on a decent salary, I am freaking out too. Benefits will not cover the mortgage, I’m pretty sure. I’ll try to reduce my therapy clients and take on more training and admin I guess. I may be physically able to work in the coming months, but psychologically is another matter. I do have a Clinical Supervisor who will help me navigate the work bit. My doctor is great, the hospital are great when I’m in the building - but worse than terrible with the aftercare. My husband, adult kids and friends are amazing. My mum (a frail 74) is struggling with it all and has clammed up when I most need her. Thanks for reading my outpouring.
I’ve been up since 4.30am with anxiety. I’ve chanted about 3 hours however. MRI with IV Buscopan (which they hadn't warned me about prior) at 11- Unfortunately I had a bit of a CPTSD meltdown (tears and anxiety) and couldn’t get out of the car when I got to the hospital- I managed it in the end. Amazingly a dear friend happened to be at the entrance waiting to go in… the big hug I needed! I’m ok, just had one client this afternoon and now feet up 
the Daimoku (Buddhist chanting), as always paid off! 
Hi Cakenport. It might be a good idea to give the Macmillan Support Helpline a ring on freephone no. 0808 808 0000 and speak to the financial team, they should be able to offer some advice and support.
Hugs, Barb xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
