Not Really New, Simply Returning

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I'm Ms. Muggles, Suddenly., Everything became tooo much and I really believed that life had returned to 'normal' after regular 6 month CT scans. Well, it is my last one that brings me, rather selfishly, back.

My last scan recommended a colonoscopy of the transverse colon. I'm numb. Upon reading the report, they are looking at a 4.1 cm new suspicious looking thickening of the transverse colon. I became violently sick the day of the procedure and had to cancel. I have not yet done it. I'm terrified after having read about what it likely means on various abstracts online.

I suppose, I simply don't know what to do now. I live in terror. Please bear with me.

Ms. Muggles