My Mum

Hi Caz,

Sorry you are in this position. When my husband was very ill, and we didn't know if he would make it (he did), I found everyone asked about him, brought him presents. etc, but no-one asked how I was. I would dearly have liked someone to shoulder the responsibility, give me a laugh, sit with him while I had a break. So, don't forget your Dad in all this. He will need back up, too. I think its almost worse for those doing the caring than the ones who are ill. You feel very helpless and often get the brunt of the poorly persons feelings.

As for your Mum, just take the lead from her. If she feels like a day out, go. If she doesn't don't push things. I can remember my Mum wanting a day out in the Lakes (she loved the area). I still remember that day as being the last good day I had with her. She was too ill to go far after that. Later on I took her some of her favourite flowers, freesia and her face lit up, although she couldn't talk. 

All the best  xxxx

Hello Welcome to our corner of the Online Community. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. A cancer diagnosis will bring many questions, lots of confusion, stress and yes, a place to share your fears can help a lot. You may also benefit from talking with other people who are on the same type of journey supporting a loved one. It might be a good idea to join Family and friends forum there you'll be able to talk about your feelings with others. You might also find the Supporting someone with incurable cancer. forum helpful. The ladies in this group will hold your hand and offer emotional support.

Don't be scared to ask any questions, will you be going with your mum? Take a notebook, no-one remembers what they're told. I should imagine your mum's next consultant's meeting will be to discuss the treatment plan.

It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear. It's free to call on 0808 808 00 00  8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. Have a look to see what is available by Clicking here .

There is also an Ask an Expert section, but you should allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers can be found on our Online Information and Support Section. 

Sending you welcoming hugs, B xx 

1. Thank you for your reply that was very kind of you. I appreciate the advise given and will make sure to check in on dad separately to see how he’s doing. He’s trying so hard to stay positive for us all. Am so glad you had a positive outcome with your Husband and the stories about your mum touch my heart. Thanks again it means a lot. X

thank you for your reply I have just joined the supporting someone group and may join the family and friends one. I’ve just been to visit my mum as I am in her bubble. She looks so defeated. Talking about making sure I look after my dad and what’s to happen with her jewellery. I know these are conversations that need to take place I just didn’t think we needed to do that right now. I feel like she’s given up. Does she just need more time to adjust should we allow her time to feel like this. We have no idea how much time she has so it’s hard to work out how much time to give her. Anyway thanks  again for your kind reply and the advice on helpful groups. X. 

Hi Caz. Your Mum's bound to look devastated, any cancer diagnosis hits you like a proverbial freight train. There's fear, disbelief, hysteria it's a rollercoaster ride. I do think she needs time to take this all in as do you and the rest of the family. Things will be so much clearer once she's seen the consultant next week. They should be able to clarify time frames. Medical science has come a long, long way over the years and now the term incurable cancer is used. 

As a Mum she's being practical making sure you look after your Dad and thinking about jewellery. Hold her hand, give her hugs and talk, don't bottle things up. 

Sending you hugs, B xx