Low day after surgery!! & pooping myself about menopause

Hello TrickishD and welcome to this forum, where you can rant, rave and moan as much as you wish!  You are going through a really tough time at the moment and it is really hard to get your head arou everything that is going on.  Definitely not a spoilt brat, more like a person who is grieving for a lot of things that have been lost. At least it sounds like your surgery was very quick, which isood, but it makes it hard to believe it's all happening. The enormity of it all is catching up with you and it's like a steamroller, so no wonder you want a mum hug. I'll send you a virtual hug and hope it helps x

I’m not surprised you are having a bad day - it sounds like everything has been a whirlwind for you and the COVID situation makes everything much worse. Having bad days are totally understandable. Give in to your tears and know it is totally understandable. I have many tearful times. It’s horrid what you’ve gone through. 

Please don't apologise it is all quite normal what you are feeling especially in your situation.  A lot of us are/were post menopausal when we had our diagnoses so that side of life had finished.  I would have loved a mum hug but sadly my mum is no longer around, and I didn't get a whole lot of emotional support at home either when I had my surgery and treatment!  So I am sending virtual hugs to hopefully help until you get to see your mum.  We are all here to support each other especially through the bad days, and there are plenty of those!  

Hugs, Lesley xx

Hi TrickishD, What a rollercoaster of journey you’ve had. Everything has happened so quickly. It’s no wonder your wee head is all over the place. I was diagnosed end of August and I’m now waiting for my surgery date confirmation, and trust me I’m still getting days when my head is all over the place. Granted  sometimes it’s senior moments, but most of the time it’s just trying to get to grips with everything and stop your mind going into overdrive. The good thing is you’ve had the surgery, I know it’s not much of a consolation but you’re now on the recovery part of this journey.

Please  feel free to come in here and rant, rave , and moan all you want. We’ve all had,and some of us are still having really bad days where we want to scream so you’re not alone. I can understand how you feel about your mum too. This blooming Covid has a lot to answer for. I’m in West Lothian and my mums in Glasgow and I haven’t seen her in months, it’s really difficult. As far as the menopause goes after what you’ve been through I think you’ll cope fine with it.  I know it’s not the same but I’m sending you a couple of wee West Lothian virtual hugs to maybe help get you through. Remember you’re not alone everyone in here is on some part of the journey you’re on and understands. We’ll all try to help as best we can.

Take Care 

Angie‍

Hello ,

Firstly no your not a spoiled brat! Welcome to a wonderful group of caring and understanding. I found myself in a similar situation to you, I had put off having children firstly because I wanting to meet the right man, things that happened when I was much younger has meant I have serious trust issues which I hide well. But I also wanted to get a job and look at getting some money behind me so I could support a child as best as I could. So I never had children, I was 37 just before my 38th birthday when I was diagnosed with womb cancer and had a total hysterectomy and it was then I realised that I regretted my reason for not having children even feeling bad for not providing my parents with grandchildren. I think when we loss that chance and our choice taken away from us it has a difficult and different effect on us, its fine when we have that choice but to no longer have it, its every more difficult. 

I am sorry too that because of all the restrictions that your can't see your Mum and give her a big hug, covid has made things very difficult for people to see family or friends to get the support. Many abuse the support bubble exceptions and also try to get round the restrictions in a very selfishness way when many who are having to deal with ill health struggle more because they are doing things correctly. I got very angry with a friend who said I should be able to come round and see him even during these lockdown that we are going into. But my chance to do that is taken away with him having already so many different households coming round all the time, nearly every time I telephone him someone always there, so I can't form a support bubble with him because of this, plus I live with my parents and my Dad is very vulnerable due to having another heart attack recently, and this friend comes up with some very stupid comments that really have really angered me, his attitude of one thing was that a friend of his, his wife has dementia and still has carers coming! Well of course they would be its necessary, big different between that and having friends round from different households,  i have a friend who is in a wheelchair and to have help get him and out of bed because he struggles with this due to his paralysis and currently he cant see his girl friend either. I hate these restrictions but I also think they are necessary to help protect others especially the most vulnerable groups, its people like him that have made the problems so much worse. So I totally understand your pain of not seeing your Mum. I know you can keep intact over the phone or video call if she's able to use the internet, technology now has helping a lot of people keep connected its not easy and certainly can't replace face to face but quoting from a dearly departed friend of mine its surprising how warm a virtual hug van be.

You will have already seen how much support there is here, don't feel alone in your worries, share them ask questions there seems always someone who can reach out.

Sending you a big bear hug.

Hi Trickish,

I can relate to you in so many ways. After I had 2 miscarriages I was very, very low. I couldn't even be near a baby. I remember being at a christening and had to leave half way through in floods of tears. I think the feelings will gradually pass, but an induced menopause might not help.

My daughter lives in Essex. We are on the South Coast and have seen each other twice in that time. (It would normally be nearer 4 or 5 ..times) Now there is doubt over Christmas, and I can tell she is very down about that. I have found video calls help. Just to see her helps. You are not a spoilt brat, just normal !!!

I have told both my girls to just grab opportunities as they arise during this Covid business. Do things while you can, because the next day you may not be able to!! xxxxxxxx

Thank you so much for responding to me. I am happy that my surgery was quick and I didn’t have time to really think about it all. 

thank you so so much for the virtual hug, it’s just what I needed xx t

thanks again for coming back to me xx and for your support xx 

Hi Curly101,

thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I’m honestly having the worst week and the tears have still not stopped. 

i appreciate you taking the time to help an support me xx thank you xx

Hi Angie,

im from Edinburgh originally but my sister lives in West Lothian x small world.  I hope you get to see your mum soon honey. 

I hope your surgery date comes through soon and everything goes smoothly for you.

thank you so so much for my West Lothian hugs xx they mean so much xx

i am still having a lot of tears, and I still feel like I am grieving for the loss of my opportunity to have children!! But I’m guessing that is normal for all of us regardless wether we have children or not. 

I am just so sad, which is not like me, I am normally annoyingly happy lol. 

as for the menopause, it hasn’t hit yet, I have an appointment with my oncologist in December and I’m hoping they my cancer was not hormonal! If it was then no HRT for me and I will just have to get on with it!! I think this worries me more lol. 

I know that I will get through this. But my head is all over the place and I feel like I am failing. I’m not in control of my emotions and I cannot help feeling sad! 

im sorry being a downer xx

in wishing you nothing but success with your operation and diagnosis xxx

sending love and  

Donna

Hi GBear,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

your kind words are lovely and I appreciate your big bear hug.

I’m struggling, and I’m so happy I have found this wonderful group.

I am so lucky that all my cancer was contained and I need no further treatment. I am so lucky that my surgery was a success but...

my head is all over the place, I’m so emotional all the time and I cannot control it.  As I’m writing this, I’m crying!! For no reason other than feeling sorry for myself and I think that’s what I am struggling with the most. I never ever worry about me. I’m always worrying about everyone else and I’m feeling selfish.

Not being in control of my emotions is the hardest part.

I hate that I have had so many Gynae issues that I was unable to give my husband the child he deserves, He would be the most wonderful father. 

I agree with you about Covid and the support bubbles. My husband and I live in a house share with our friends (they are married couple too) as it keeps costs down. We have been very strict and no one has been near us since I started shielding before the op and now we are in lockdown so it’s worked out nicely for us. But i know of people breaking the rules and thinking this is all a government scam!! It blows my mind x 

I am sorry. That was yet another rant xxx

i wish you nothing but happiness and thank you again for taking the time to chat with me xx