Spousal support

You're not alone in this situation invoking the "getting affairs in order" mindset.  I immediately checked the beneficiaries on all my pensions - some were blank (shocker), updated my will, made a PoA, and sought financial advice.  It would have been irresponsible not to do so!   It absolutely does change the way you think.  

Hi Mrs Cat

Welcome to the Womb group.

I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis of womb cancer. 

There is no right or wrong way to feel when having a diagnosis. It is good that your husband is being supportive. 

For me my diagnosis sort of knocked me side ways for a bit and I think it is only natural for us to think a little bit differently about things and to evaluate life and think about what is important. There is no harm in thinking about work and thinking about possible changes in the future. 

I hope that your surgery goes well and that you do not have to wait too long for your post op results. In the meantime if there is anything you need, then you know where we are. 

Jane

That is not unreasonable at all.

My husband had a biochemical reaccurance on his prostrate cancer 4 years after having the operation, then 8 months later I was diagnosed with cancer. He took his pension early at 59, wasn't penalised too much on that thankfully, we paid our mortgage off. I haven't got a private pension so when I go back to work it will be part time. My husband is like yours and tells me not to be morbid when I tell him I won't be around to get my government pension when Im 67 and I want to to get my will sorted. I'm just being realistic. I had a stage 1a cancer grade 3, cancer is unpredictable so get on and with living your life and enjoy it xxxx

Thank you - i was feeling as though what i was doing was abnormal!

Thank you  going to do it now! 

Thank you - am glad i found this support

Hi MrsCat, and welcome. I’m wondering if he may be actually struggling a bit himself and finding it difficult to process it all, and that it’s coming out in this way. Does he have hobbies, friends he can lean on and talk to about how he feels about your diagnosis? When I was diagnosed (2021) I didn’t want many people knowing about it (as I didn’t want “sympathy”), but I encouraged my husband to tell his golf friends if he wanted to, and to have some support from them for himself, as I knew it would be hard for him seeing me going through it all, even though I was dealing with it pragmatically and coping. When we are diagnosed, it’s our cancer, our responsibility, but any cancer diagnosis affects others around us, causing them to have to face tricky questions about their own lives as well as ours, and their own mortality, and can trigger a need for support, even if it’s just friends they have through a hobby/pastime. I also made sure my husband (and adult children) knew that the Macmillan support helpline was for families and friends of cancer patients too, not just for those of us with cancer and that it was fine for them to call it without me knowing if they wanted to. 

I'm sorry about your diagnosis.

It's your cancer but it's also having a major impact on his life and there isnt very much he can do about it. He hasnt had very long to get his head around this and men tend to be a bit dont want to think about ill health. So I suspect he is struggling with an unexpected change. While it's understandable you are  rethinking your life he is correct that you probably have many years ahead of you and shouldnt be dashing into any irreversible decisions just yet.

Drawing your pension early means you'll get quite a bit less money, you need to find out exactly how much less it would be. Personally I'd be waiting for post surgery and post biopsy and then deciding whether to stay full time until 60 and then possibly stop work completely or drop more than one day. You'll have better information then and can look at whether ill health retirement might be an option. It seems unlikely with the information you have now but the closer you get to 60 the less your pension will be reduced and you'll be on sick leave for a time after surgery. 

Completing a full financial year is probably helpful for your state pension anyway when you can claim that. NHS pensions traditionally included the option to take a lump sum so consider paying off the mortgage early, working until 60 means that would have less impact on your ongoing pension.   Being out of work completely means you could travel, although if your husband is still working it might have to be with a  friend.  Consider speaking to a financial advisor about your options. 

I understand the problems with a husband. It deeply affects them. My husband was with me when I was diagnosed and he was shocked as much as I was. There was a strange calm but I remember him telling the nurse he would look after me. He showed his kindness with a simple gesture of putting his arm around me.

He had convinced himself everything will be fine but that is not strictly true.

Throughout my treatment he did everything for me and at the age of 85 that was a huge task for him. I couldn't have a better husband  

I am getting back to normal ish but another blow for him is he has just been diagnosed with parkingsons disease 

It's my turn to look after him.  We will both look after each other.

I hope your spouse is as good as mine