Waking with anxiety each morning

Hi Lizbot

Carry on sounding off if it helps. I am sorry that you are having such a rough time at the moment. 

I think being off work at the moment is wise, you can not be expected to deal with all of this and work at the same time. 

You say you have not got the mental strength but I would think that you are doing lots of things to help yourself even though you are feeling as you do. That takes strength. You have reached out on here. You have contacted the crisis line and the Support line. You have arranged talking therapies. You have spoken about your fears with your CNS. 

You have managed to somehow manage this for 7 weeks now and it is not much longer now until you have the surgery and the cancer is removed. You can do these last couple of weeks. 

Focus on one step at a time. The Christmas tree does not matter- I am sure there are others on here who have not got round to taking theirs down yet. Shower first. Fresh clothes. Cup of tea and a slice of toast. When things feel overwhelming just focus on the next step. 

I really hope that the talking therapies helps. But we are here in the meantime. 

Jane

Thank you Jane, it does help to an extent to sound off. I’ve now switched focus from ‘when the cancer is removed’ to ‘what if it recurs’ plus the ache in my boob is causing my mind to go into overload. 

I’m showered and dressed and going to make a start on housework, it’s too cold to go anywhere. 

I’ve been through a mental breakdown before and I know that things eventually get better however last time, my physical health wasn’t at risk. I’m constantly worrying about potential situations in the future, and it’s made/making me quite ill. Hopefully the Therapy can help (although I’m already panicking that she’ll say she can’t help/only a few sessions etc - my own mind is torturing me). 

thanks again, I’d be lost without the support on this site 

Well done for getting up and having a shower. My house was spotless before my surgery as I always find cleaning helps take my mind off things. Its cold here in the South West but sunny out. 

I also became aware of any aches and pains in my body before surgery- still do sometimes- but I reminded my self that I had a full scan before surgery to stage the cancer and like you there was no evidence of any metastatic disease. 

Good luck with the cleaning- just done mine! Same reason- too cold to go out!

Jane

Thank you Jane, I had my first talking therapies session this morning, it was only an assessment and I may be referred to an OCD specialist 

I felt exhausted afterwards and so spent the afternoon in bed, my safe place. The talking therapies referral only came through so quickly as I’d re-referred myself back in July due to PTSD from my abusive marriage - the ex hardly got a mention today! 

can I ask you, as a champion on these pages (and what a blessing you are!), my current obsession is googling and researching recurrence statistics and treatments - I can’t see many posts in this forum about recurrence and my CNS has told me she doesn’t often see recurrence, particularly at stage 1 - is recurrence something that you see much of on these pages? 

Im just trying to settle my mind, again, until the next worry hits 

Hi

I have come across some cases of recurrence on here, but most people are posting about testing, diagnosis and then on to treatments. I have not seen many people posting that have actually had a recurrence and if they have it seems to be ladies who were diagnosed at a more advanced stage or with a grade 3 cancer. 

I would imagine that ladies who had posted on here and had support during an initial diagnosis and treatment would likely return to the site if a recurrence happened. 

So my take on it is that although recurrence can happen at an earlier stage, it does not seem to be posted about on here that much. I suppose that with all the testing and the staging and grading after surgery, the consultants are able to predict who is more likely to have a recurrence and then they try to do everything to prevent it by recommending further treatment. Follow up seems to also make a big difference in that most ladies are offered regular check ups and information about signs to look out for that could mean a recurrence. So even though there can be a risk of recurrence the hope is that if it does happen, it is identified and treated at a very early stage. This then has a more positive outcome. 

Being aware of the signs of recurrence and also how to keep as healthy as possible for me is doing actively all I can (along with my previous treatment) is a good step. I also had check ups every 12 weeks for 2 years, however remain under oncology on patient initiated follow up until I am 5 years post treatment. 

The best people to tell you about your own risks of recurrence are your own team as they have the full picture. Online figures are only a snapshot in time and do not take into account your own medical details and your response to treatment. 

I suppose the thing with endometrial cancer is that as long as it is caught early and contained- then surgery is removing the cancer. 

Jane

Well done for getting back to therapist.  And for making a start on the housework - it'll make the time go faster!  

Just to say really pleased you have had an assesment for talking therapies. I had a brilliant CNS who was so kind but did occasionally look over her glasses at me and say "your facts are not anyone else's". She was full of gems like that! 

Hi again Lizbot, I don’t intend this at all unkindly, but I’m unsure how googling or asking about risk of recurrence will help you as even if you were told that the risk of recurrence for grade 1 stage 1a was say, only 5%, you may well be likely to forget/disregard the massive 95% with no recurrence and start thinking what if I’m in the 5% - which wouldn’t end up helping you.

FWIW for my own cancer, which was grade 1a stage 2, the average recurrence rate is about 10% (as it’s higher with stage 2 than stage 1) but I was told that the radiotherapy and brachytherapy I had is likely to have reduced the possibility by about 20%. So mine currently stands at about 8% I guess. I rarely think about it. So many other things can affect us as we get older, it goes with the territory, and once I’d  beaten cancer nothing much really scares me any more. I do also count myself very fortunate that mine was detected early and dealt with - advances in modern science especially with regards to cancer research are absolutely amazing. 

Just catching up, that’s really helpful thank you again Jane, as ever

I meant to reply the other day - you’re not unkindly at all, I need straight talking. 

I seem to be gravitating away from Google and also not obsessively on this site either. I’m still very bloody miserable but I’m told that’s normal, especially whilst waiting for my operation. 

I had what I feel was a positive meeting with my surgeon on Tuesday of this week, he’s very confident so I need to put my faith in him rather than Google. I now have a 2 week wait for the op, although being admitted the night before. Do people feel that this is the hardest time, or is it difficult waiting for the results of the histology?

thank you for your support x