Struggling with mental health and trying and failing to get any professional support

Anxiety is an issue for all of us who are diagnosed and I struggled with it every day till I’d met my surgeon and was inspired by his confidence and experience - especially as he had a lovely manner too - and I was reassured and felt able to trust him as this was his every day stuff and his bread and butter! I even couldn’t watch programmes that mentioned the Step Up 2 Cancer annual appeal as it reminded me! And seeing the name Macmillan in my inbox from notifications from this group would also trigger me. So I worked around avoiding triggers as much as I could, avoided talking about it to friends, distracted myself with Christmas shopping (my op was Jan 2022) and word games. After I’d seen my surgeon, I then focussed on preparing for my hysterectomy, buying things for my packing list, and making plans for op day and coming home after. Before that, practically every day Monday to Friday I’d phone my CNS or the Macmillan helpline early morning or evening before 8,  as I found that a chat with them took the edge off my anxiety, not completely, but enough to distract myself a bit. I phoned them as many times as I needed to. I also didn’t talk to any friends or family about my diagnosis who I thought might tell me any unhelpful stories, only people who I know would make me laugh or gee me up as I found that sympathy made me worse.  I’d suggest you phone your CNS today for some reassurance, it’s what they’re there for, and she may also be able to give you an update as to when the specialist hospital will be in touch. You may even need able to get the name of your proposed and be able to Google him and look up his credentials. I found that helped as my surgeon David Constable-Phelps is a really clever experienced surgeon in this field. You could also contact the Maggie’s Centre again - mine told me it was walk in and I could go whenever and however often I wanted. Are you eating and drinking each day? Getting up and washing and getting dressed? It’s enough if all you feel able to do is those things, they’re achievements in themselves. You can get through this a day at a time, or a half day at a time even. You don’t have to feel able to cope to get through this. We all find a way through this - evidence from ladies on here showed me that - and you can too. 

Just an additional thought - I did wondered if any of your health professionals has ever mentioned OCD? My daughter has it and I did wonder with the intrusive thoughts you have, and the spiralling. My daughter’s main “ritual” is reassurance seeking, but even if reassured she tends not to listen to it but moves on to more complex what ifs. Before she was diagnosed, we naturally reassured her but we then had to learn not to. If this doesn’t apply to you, no worries at all and I hope I haven’t spoken out of turn, but I just thought I’d mention it as, if it did, you may find that phoning an OCD helpline may be helpful. At the end of the day, although it’s not nice for any of us having cancer, it seems to me like it’s the intrusive thoughts that may be the main issue for you, more than the cancer. The OCD Action helpline is 0300 6365478 and the OCD-UK helpline is 01332 588112. You can also request support online from them.

Hi Lizbot

Just a thought but I remember you saying that your GP has just prescribed you antidepressants- I know for some people that can trigger a worsening of symptoms in the first week or two. I wonder if worth contacting GP. 

Jane

Thank you again for your support.

I am already calling my CNS and Macmillan every day - I've felt like a nuisance but reassured that you felt able to do this also.  I've spoken with my CNS today, she was once again very positive and provided me with reassurance - which lasted around an hour or so before the thoughts come in again - re. your second post, I searched OCD and reassurance and it actually makes a lot of sense, I am constantly seeking reassurance, and feel quite childlike, as no sooner am I given the reassurance that I'm doubting it again and getting into a state.

I've been referred to the cancer specialist psychologist at the hospital, this is something that I will discuss with them.

I've not had a shower today, which is just not like me, so I'm just running myself a nice bath now.

I must have the world record for googling 'is endometrial cancer curable.'

Hi Jane, I'm wondering this myself, my appetite was already diminishing but I've not been able to eat since yesterday morning, my daughter has made a lovely stew for tea and the thought of eating it is making me baulk.  I've been on this anti-depressant before and can't remember the initial side effects but will keep an eye on them.  Thank you for responding 

Hi Liz

can I say well done to you. You are going through a horrible time and it’s affecting you so much, but you are still doing everything you can to seek help and take on board what people are saying, that shows resilience and strength even if you don’t feel it. 

have you heard about date for appt with specialist hospital ? If not hope this comes through soon.

xx

It's natural to be anxious but if even if your bowel and uterus were fused surgeons separate them often and as you are seeing a specialist hospital they can schedule enough time to deal with it if they need to. 

Anxiety may be slightly alleviated with some self help - put a lot of epsom salts in those baths. I have bought large sacks from Amazon but you can get some in places like Wilko and some supermarkets. You'll absorb magnesium through your skin so no risk of digestive distress and magnesium is good for anxiety. You could also eat dark chocolate. 

The other thing that helps me with stress - and I've tried lots of things that didnt work - is alternate nostril breathing. Reading about how to do it on the internet often involves people really into yoga. I just ignore all their reasoning and focus on the how to do it part. 

I'm sorry that things are really tough for you right now. You are doing all the right things to get help. Something that has helped me (if I'm heading for my phone to go down negative rabbit hole) is to make myself look at one positive thing first. There are lots of options like crosswords or mindfulness channels on YouTube. Or podcasts. We need 7 positive messages to balance each 1 negative thing. Negative = velcro that sticks with us and positive = Teflon and slides right off! All easier said than done I do realise.