Mixed feelings

Hi Dormouse, welcome to the group - glad you have a predicted stage 1, have they given you a predicted grade too? I do feel for you in this, but I also wonder if his reaction is possibly from fear, and that his apparent “denial” is a coping mechanism. While it’s understandable for you to want to lean on him sometimes, may I also suggest that you make sure you’re getting enough support for yourself from elsewhere? I was diagnosed in November 2021, and the way I chose to deal with it was to be honest with my husband about how I was feeling, but not to lean on him too much so that he had space to deal with his own reaction to it without feeling responsible for making me feel better. I also encouraged him to go and play golf as usual and talk to his golf mates about it if he needed to, and to call the Macmillan help line (as they support loved ones too), so that he had an outlet. I felt it important to own my illness for myself and to take responsibility for getting support other than from him and my adult children. I contacted my CNS the day I was diagnosed, and called them for support as needed, sometimes 2-3 times a week, as I found it took the edge of my anxiety. They only work weekdays 10-4 so I also phoned the Macmillan helpline when needed, as they’re open 8am-8pm 7 days a week. I posted on here and also found ladies on here that I wanted to connect with who were going through the same thing, so we connected on here by private message and then also on social media or email. I found having all these outlets really helped. I also explained to my husband that sometimes I’d feel overwhelmed, my head might feel “fizzy” and that I might sometimes be snappy and asked him to try and not take it personally. And we got through it and out the other side. 

Thankyou for your kind reply

Were you given a predicted grade? Feel free to click on my name and read my story if you like! 

Hi Dormouse

Welcome to the womb group. I am sorry to hear of your cancer and I hope that your surgery goes well. 

It sounds like your partner may be struggling a bit to understand how you are feeling. This must make things feel difficult when you are coming to terms with the cancer diagnosis and the surgery. Please do not feel alone and we are here to support you. 

We do have the Support Line available from 8am -8pm daily and it is there if you need it. He is also welcome to call himself. If you do call the Support Line they can have a look in your local area to see if there is any support nearer home. I wonder if there may be a Maggies centre near you?

Maggie's | Everyone's home of cancer care

Whilst it is understandable that your partner may find it difficult to understand your cancer, if you do at anytime feel that his anger/temper are making you feel particularly worried ,then please do reach out for some support. The Support Line is available at the times mentioned above. But at other times these may be of help.

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen

Refuge, the largest UK domestic abuse organisation for women

In my own experience, cancer is not something you necessarily just bounce back from and it is normal to feel a bit down, anxious and tired. My own cancer was in 2022 and I am doing ok now. 

Wishing you well for your surgery and we are here if you need us. 

Jane

Thankyou so much.