Feeling low and not myself

 Ange19 , i am really sorry to hear about how you feel. I think when we are going though cancer and treatment so much is whizzing around we don’t really get time to think but afterwards it can hit us and some can get feelings of being depressed, its really very understandable. I have had some issues that way manly due to the fact i wasn’t listened to prior to diagnosis and was often fobbed off, yet my Gp was good at trying to help me the local hospital i was back and forth too before i was transferred to my treatment hospital were just awful the constant fob off made me feel i was wasting their time and it made me angry and doubtful and i pushed the feeling aside then after my treatment as i recovered, i was and i am now dealing with other illnesss and i was often made to feel as if i was making it all up for attention by.some people by the time people had finished keep doing that i ended up swirling into depression and doubting  myself,something i haven’t really expressed to people i was embarrassed, i feel embarrassed and i hide that feeling from friends and family i would smile to hide it but at times people noticed especially my short level of patience with people i would just close off and get angry. I am starting to feel more excepting of my feelings which has helped recently with my other illness diagnosis, i feel better knowing that despite what others was trying to say i was right , there is something wrong its just a matter now of having the right person to help me with it, the medication i am on helps but its not going to go away, its a condition i have most likely the rest of my life and trying to keep myself as fit as possible helps, but i get so tired and its frustrating . One thing thats helped and i hope for you too, is first excepting your struggles, well good wishes to you, as you have done this. I would highly recommend a couple of things. I would give the macmillan helpline a call and talk about your feelings and they may have some local numbers/contacts for local support groups, they really help as they know exactly how you feel and will help you to deal with them. There is also your CNS who can give you information too and its good to let them know what your going though as they have treated you and know you as their individual patient, they may advice you see your Gp but making sure you have the right help is important to your wellbeing. I enjoy going for walks especially the park, feed the ducks i find this comforting and often they make me laugh with their antics. Getting out in the fresh air does have a calming effect and i taking my photos too. I enjoy yoga and tai chi both have get meditation effects which helps me feel more relaxed, and i like going for a swim when i can. I know i have to keep myself as fit as possible to help, i have just learned that i have to except i am not going to have the energy or stamina like i used too. One of my pet hates i when i see people deliberately trying to make themselves ill, they have no idea what it feels like to have to deal with illness that you have no control over and have to go though it all.

i wanted to send you some gentle  hugs and i hope you feel them strong support they give, look after you and i hope you can get the help and support that you need and please keep us all informed we are here for you.

Hi Ange

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. You have done so well to undergo so much treatment and to already return to work. 

Gbear has give some great support below but just wanted to add something that I have personally found helpful.

There is an online course through Macmillan called HOPE. It is free and you can dip in and out as you please and there is no pressure to interact with anyone or complete it if you do not feel it is for you. I myself am on the last of 6 modules and I found it really interesting and helped focus my mind on everything that we go through. I will pop a link for you. 

Online HOPE programme | Macmillan Cancer Support

I found for me a lot of the processing did not happen while I was having the treatment as you can be so focussed on all the appointments etc- it is only when they stop, you can start working it through. 

I am 2 years post treatment. I also had the chemo and radiotherapy and it has been hard to accept the new me at times. Life on the whole is good again but I still have lingering late effects. I have not returned to work and am taking some time out. 

I would recommend you speaking to your GP re the depression as you may need a bit of extra support for a while. 

Also remember the support line is there if you feel like talking it through would help.

Lastly, this was me at a year post treatment. 

(+) Life One Year Later- Jane’s story - Macmillan Online Community

Jane

Hi GBear

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. 

I do go swimming when I can and for walks, being back to work makes fitting them in harder, but I will try to.

When I feel like this, I start feeling and being very anti-social, when normally I am quite a social talkative person.  

I send best wishes to you and hugs too.

Thank you again

Ange

Hi JaneThanks for replying and your kind words and your advice.

I’ll see how I get on and feel.  I’ll definitely read your posting and check out the online HOPE program.

I hope you are well and send my best wishes to you

Ange

Hi Ange19 . I was lucky enough not to have to do the chemo or radiotherapy part - just the hysterectomy, but I relate to how you feel. 

I find myself feeling quite bitter and resentful at the moment. I don't have much drive for much and that is frustrating. I struggle to socialise with anyone, even close friends. I'm really bad at night time and don't sleep well (possibly hormonal I guess but I put a lot of pressure on sleeping) and this is when my thoughts spiral out of control and I get upset. This in turn makes me tired and work is a struggle.

I have thought a lot about why this is and I wonder if it's almost like you feel after a loss of adrenaline. We've done the fight - now we're doing the flight?! I don't know.. I can't make sense of it either.

I've never done any talking therapy with anyone. I'm not sure what use that would do - I seem to remember my Macmillan nurse once mentioning something that they offer. Have you considered it?

Hi Cakenport

Thank you for replying.  I’m sorry you are feeling the way you do too.  If any thing I would think it should the other way around, we would have felt not good and gone into our shells when we found out and during all the treatment!  But like you say we did the fight during and have the flight afterwards!

I too find that at night times if you struggle sleeping is when all your thoughts start spiralling and are quite negative.  I try to remember where I am and try to bring my mind back to the present, I just think I’m in a warm comfy bed, and lucky to be dry and warm, or think of lists of things through the alphabet.  It may sound a bit silly but it’s trying to get your mind back to the present and away from the thoughts.  I do this during the day too, to get my mind away from negative thoughts. If you are doing something and your mind wanders, start paying more attention to what you are doing and what is around you.  It’s probably easier said than done, but give it a try.

 I also put a lot of pressure on sleeping especially if I feel I’m not sleeping well, as sometimes I take an age to get to sleep and sometimes I wake up early, and then I feel I’ll not cope so well at work and it makes you not want to go or do anything else.

I have had talking therapy, a few years ago, as I have suffered with depression before ‘cancer’.  It is useful and can be helpful, as it is sometimes easier to talk in depth to a professional than it would be to someone you know.  I haven’t had any sort of talking therapy because of ‘cancer’.  I would though if I was struggling badly.

Sometimes it’s best to try and not think about why you feel the way you do, we’ve both got to remember what we’ve been through.  It’s a massive shock to your mind and body, so it’s best to be kind to yourself, do something that you know makes you feel good or happy ( even if you don’t feel it at the time).

I know it is difficult, more so because you cannot get away from the fact that we’ve had cancer, but hopefully for both of us it’s gone and won’t come back.  Let me know how you are and how you get on and if try any talking therapy’s.

Sending hugs to you

Ange

Hi Cakenport,

I have seen so many people on here that feel in a similar way. The links below are maybe what your Macmillan nurse mentioned. I have just done the hope course myself and found it helpful. Its all online. 

Online HOPE programme | Macmillan Cancer Support

Free counselling for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support

This may also help

Life after cancer treatment booklet | Macmillan Cancer Support

Jane

You are so right when it comes to work and sleep. Tiredness doesn't help at all with the negative thoughts. The gloomy early nights do nobody any good either. 

I did actually make more effort with mindfulness activities during surgery but I've let it slip. I think I need to take some time out in the day and get back onto that. 

All the best to you too.

This is really helpful jane2511 . 2 hours a week sounds like a lot, but you have to put the work in right? Thanks for sharing!

Might I suggest having your Vit D levels checked? A few years ago started sleeping badly and waking anxious for no reason. Had my Vit D checked via a blood test from my GP (as I’d read that people with auto immune disorders are more likely to have lower levels of D). Lo and behold my results showed I was only just above the level at which we’re considered deficient. My GP recommended a child’s chewy vitamin supplement that included D, and that’s what I did, I noticed an improvement within a few days.