Hi everyone. I'm 22, was diagnosed with endometrial cancer in Feb. My treatment has included radiotherapy and neoadjuvant oral chemo and finally a hysterectomy (I am currently 17DPO). I am now cancer free and have finished treatment.
I worked through the majority of my treatment but left my job a few months ago after being pushed out. Management did not believe that I had cancer or was undergoing treatment. Ultimately that was the reason I left (please see my previous post). I handed in my notice and took a few weeks to focus on mentally recovering, before finding another job.
While at my old job, I worked through all of my treatment. I planned appointments around work hours and rested as soon as I got home/over weekends. I was lucky enough to not suffer from excessive side effects. I 'coped'- work kept me going and gave me a focus. I didn't appear ill on the outside, my appearance didn't change drastically. I didn't tell many people about my diagnosis, the majority of people didn't know. I've never shared anything about my illness on social media or anything like that, so unless I had told them explicitly- people would not have guessed what I was going through. In terms of my old job, I did give evidence to support my diagnosis to my employer when asked to, but only the bare essentials, because to be honest I was struggling beyond words and was quite simply terrified and overwhelmed and proving myself to my employer was the least of my worries. Perhaps I should have proved myself more.
I ventured out with a friend last night, a friend from my old job. She is a lovely friend and has stood by me through all of this. She had a little too much to drink and told me (accidentally) that my old employer has told people from my old job that I 'made it all up'- as in, having cancer. Many people have believed her. I felt sick to my stomach when I heard this. Some people I thought were my friends from my old job have ceased all contact with me over the past few months, unfriended me on social media etc- seemingly out of the blue. This now makes sense as they have probably heard (and believed) that I am/was 'faking'.
Although I knew this was the attitude of management, to hear it from someone else has absolutely shaken me. I know that the people that believe this are not my people and ultimately not the kind of people I need in my life, but I hate that someone is spreading lies about me and I can't do anything about that. Since my hysterectomy I have felt so low, I feel like the most disgusting person in the world and my self esteem is rock bottom. I'm a hormonal mess despite being on HRT and honestly I've never felt more vulnerable. This one comment has made me feel so anxious and disgusted at myself that other people could think that of me.
I wish I could tell her- I wish I was making this up. I wish my fertility hadn't been taken away, I wish my life hadn't been changed forever. I will never be the same person I was. Nobody saw me on my lowest days, being sick for hours and staying overnight in hospitals having fluids, nobody saw my grey pale skin under the makeup, nobody saw me crash at 4pm when I got home and not wake up till 6am the next day.
Part of me wants to get all the letters I've ever been given from drs and consultants and throw them at her, but at the same time, why should I? I know what I've been through and the real, genuine friends I have know this too. I'm not sure why I'm so rattled.
I guess I just want a little bit of reassurance/advice on how I can move forwards. I really thought I was over grieving my old work situation but I feel like I'm back at square one. I know I'm probably being dramatic but I just feel awful.
Hi Sparkkly
Good to hear from you again. I am so pleased to hear that you are cancer free after completing your treatment.
I do not think you are being dramatic at all and I can understand why you are feeling awful. I remember your work situation from before. What has happened and the attitude of your employer is really bad. I wonder if it is worth calling the Support Line in the morning and talking to one of the work advisors?
No one should be going around and spreading such horrible lies about you and I am sure you must have some employment rights that would cover you for the time you were there. Even speaking to other people about your confidential matters should not have been done. It is up to you what you feel is best to do to be able to get some closure and move on with your life. You have been through something as awful as cancer and to have the work situation on top of it as well. My feeling would be to find out your rights from Macmillan and see if you can take this further- complaint etc. There will be, I am sure something that could be done where the previous employers conduct could be investigated. I am not sure whether constructive dismissal would be involved.
I also wonder whether some counselling may help. Macmillan can also have a look to see if there is any support in your area.
So maybe have a think about calling and chatting things through. They would be able to talk to you about possible options and then it is your choice what you would want to do.
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this on top of the cancer.
Jane
Hi sparkkly .
I hope that when you re-read your post above, you can see how incredible you are and how many challenges you've battled. The fact that those battles were mainly un-witnessed by others does not take away the toughness of each nor the grit you showed in battling through.
How about you spending some time now with a couple of trusted people who were with you on your journey, and allow them to help you recognise + celebrate your incredible achievements?
People and workplaces are not always as understanding of cancer as they could be - actually some are rubbish and shameful. Perhaps you could send your old firm's HR manager the Macmillan course called Cancer in the workplace for Managers so, while too late for you to benefit from, at least you get the satisfaction of knowing you're helping them improve for others.
Thank you so much for this lovely reply.
At the moment I don't think I can fully appreciate the enormity of what I've been through and experienced, I felt like I was on autopilot throughout my treatment and only now I am cancer free have things started to sink in.
I suppose in some ways I feel like a bit of a fraud because I didn't have it as tough as others do when going through cancer. I can see why people would think I was making it up. In comparison to some I breezed through.
I have a few really lovely friends who have supported me through this journey but I am embarrassed to admit that I feel like I can't trust anyone. I feel like nobody truly likes me and the comment made at the weekend has made my anxiety sky rocket. I worry that everyone has the same doubts about me making my illness up as my old employer.
I feel like this sounds really childish and I'm painfully aware that it's my own low self-esteem and anxiety that is making me feel like this 
Focus on you and your recovery. You have been through something massive. If there is anything you need, you know where we are
Jane
