34 and having a hysterectomy, grieving

Hi, I just want to send some support your way, just because you have opted for the hysterectomy as the right choice for you, it doesn't mean you are choosing this and you have every reason to be grieving. Equally, just because you have a beautiful daughter, it doesn't take away the pain that you will feel for having the option to have more children robbed from you. Cancer is cancer and it is frightening and life changing and you have the right to express what you are feeling without feeling like you should be glad the prognosis isn't worse. 

Take care and keep expressing yourself if it helps x

Hello NELLI 

I agree 100% with what B74  has posted and I couldn't have put it better myself.

You are very young to be in this position and understandably overwhelmed by it all. You have every right to feel the way you do. I was 60 when I had my surgery but there will be others who were around your age when they faced surgery.

You will find support on this forum and there is the Macmillan helpline which you can ring anytime for support. In the meantime take good care of yourself and be very kind to yourself too.

Best wishes

Kxx

Hi Nelli

Welcome to the Online Community and the Womb group.

I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis and there are no apologies necessary. There are a lovely bunch of ladies on here who will understand how you are feeling and want to offer support. Cancer is cancer and everyone is different with different circumstances but we do share the journey that none of us would chose. 

It is good to hear that you have a provisional early stage and grade but it can still feel overwhelming to have any diagnosis. I understand that due to your  CPTSD why you have opted for the hysterectomy, rather than the hormonal option and continued testing. The testing can be traumatic and the waiting for the results each time is not great. You have made the best decision for you with all the information you have. So well done.

It sounds like you have family and friends around and they will be a great support. I think with them it is natural to be pleased that it's been caught early as they want the best for you. However when it is happening to you- it can be hard to remain positive. And I would recommend the best thing is to go with the flow with your feelings. I did and felt a huge range of emotions- sometimes positive, sometimes scared, sometimes weepy. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Talking things through can help and there is a Support Line that is there if you feel at any point you would rather speak to someone a bit removed from the situation. I found sometimes it was hard to talk to those closest for fear of upsetting or worrying then.

At your age it is natural to think about your child and that the surgery will mean no more naturally however it is lovely that your family member offered to be a surrogate.

Grief seems a natural response. It's all the what if's that can be bought up. Periods and fertility are all part of what makes us feel  female and it is natural to feel shaky with the surgery coming up. Maybe at some point it would be helpful to talk about the fertility with someone. 

It is natural to be apprehensive about the surgery. What I would say though is that I found the surgery straight forward, I had very little pain and I recovered well. Because of your age, I would imagine that your recovery could actually go really well. It is a big operation but it is also a routine one for the surgeons and I am sure you will be well looked after. For me it was really a case of taking things easy for 6 weeks, no lifting, no housework etc. 

It would be worth asking at you hospital if there are any support groups or counselling locally to you, particularly for younger ladies. If you call the Support Line though they can do a search to see what is closest. There are places such as Maggie's cancer centres that can really help.

Hope this helps a bit. If there is anything you need, please do ask.

Jane

 NELLI , oh Nelli, i feel for you. I am a young diagnosed too, although my hysterectomy was back in 2017 stage 1a grade 2 and had everything removed as leaving my ovaries wasnt an option for me and having had a hysterectomy at 38,i was diagnosed just before that birthday. I had no children so having the decision taken away hit much harder then i realised but i am so pleased to hear that you have some options left for you. Yes i am not going to lie its hard and you will have lots of emotions and have no need to apologise at all as you can already see from the absolutely wonderful woman in this group you have lots of support here. For me i wasnt bothered at first about not having children but it hit me later and i  was angry and sad but more angered since i had a lot of stress getting diagnosed as i was fobbed off a lot and this added to me. But what is important is support from family and friends and i am actually happy to hear that a family member has been so kind to offer to be a surrogate for you this is an amazing gift to you. But i can also understand the mixed emotions you’re dealing with. Please remember there is so much love here i am always just wowed at the strength of support here, plus of course there is the helpline people who can help too especially if you would also like some local support from a local support group they should be able to help there as they can see what is in your area. It’s ok to ask questions here as there is normally always someone with similar experience and knowledge from all that too.

sending some gentle Bear hugs

I'm 35 and having my hysterectomy for grade 1, stage 1b cancer at the end of next month. I have no children and never really planned to have any, but it's still a big leap to losing the ability to change my mind about that, so I think I understand some of what you're going through. 

I think all feelings are valid and you just have to let yourself feel them. It's a big thing you're going through and it's completely understandable to feel sad and mourn a future that's being taken away. I think at some point you will come to celebrate the future that's being saved for you, although maybe not for some time. 

Sorry your feeling this way. Like you i have 1 child and took along time for me to even have him 10 years of trying medical problems not cancer related back then but im glad to have just him and beable to be a mum. Whata wonderful thing your family member offering to be sorrogate and you have a daughter to cherish I just got told on 1st may that i also stage 1 1a womb cancer so i have ups and down moments but just glad its caught early due to have my hysterocetomy on 15th may they suggested due to family history  when they told me they will take overies and tubes out as im post menopausal my period stopped in june 2018 and last october started having a few bleeds now and again thought it was just part of an age thing but was having bleeding every day since march till now where ive only had 8 days in total i had none and felt tired all the time no matter how much i slept my engergy levels at work or home was not the same im usually on the go with work then house work or crafting but even a few like things i fwlt i needed a nap and my stomach bloating and couldnt even eat a plate of food past month i ate a sandwich and felt like i had a 7 course meal do you find this the same with you