counting down

Well, my pans for this week pre-surgery were simple. Make sure the laundry is up to date, especially with the weather being good enough for outside drying, then chill and relax into my 3 day isolation. Then on Friday the washing machine stopped mid-cycle and lights started flashing. A bit of googling first suggested " turning it off then on again" - no joy. Next suggestion was to check the filter wasn't blocked - it wasn't, but cue minor flooding of kitchen floor. Then the dilemma of how to get the clothes out of the machine without more flooding, and can I find an engineer who doesn't cost an arm and a leg, or do I start to look for a new machine (my present one is 12 years old and despite me thinking things should last a long time I know in reality they often don't). Finally turned it all back on again to see if I could open the door but gave it one last go and lo! and behold it worked and I managed to get a couple of loads washed. Then Saturday I woke up to my cat crying and limping. I could see some blood on his paw so took him to the vets. It seems he may have been bitten but luckily not deeply and an antibiotic shot, some ant-inflammatory medicine, and £83 later we were home where he crashed out for the day. This morning he seems right as rain but is still off his food a bit, which won't hurt him as he weighed 4.25 kgs. As I carried him across the road in his carrier (I can see the vets from my window) I did think that I won't be able to do that for a few weeks so he had better stay out of trouble. Then this morning I had another food delivery as it seems I had clicked on today's date instead of next Sunday. As I had only had a delivery on Tuesday the fridge and freezer are both very full so I have spent ages rearranging things to fit. However, apart from a face to face with the anaesthetist tomorrow (Monday), that should be it until surgery on Thursday (fingers crossed). I suppose it has served to keep my mind off the operation and letting my imagination run away with me about my recovery afterwards. I'm not good with pain (who is?), and I hate attention, or having to ask for help (even though I know people are more than happy to). I really just want to hide away in a darkened room somewhere but I also know I will cope with it and be more than glad when it's "out".

Hello Dreamer I'm sorry but this did make me smile, more so as it's so well written! Oh dear sometimes the more organised we try to be the more hurdles we need to jump! 

Hope everything goes well and uneventful! Wishing you the best xx

Thanks. It is quite funny, and annoying, but in the grand scheme of things (if there is any sort of "scheme") none of it is that important really.

I agree with Mad, you write very well. Things often don't go the way we want them to. Wishing you well for your operation on Thursday. I hope your cat stays out of trouble. x

Well, another thing that's freaked me out today. After good results at the pre-op last week (although BMI is 42) I thought seeing the anaesthetist would be a breeze but he explained that there is a chance that some problems may arise with breathing difficulties due to a reaction to the anaesthetic. So it is unlikely I will be out same day or next (as I was hoping) and he has booked an ITU bed for recovery and monitoring. I was only diagnosed with the myasthenia earlier this year and wasn't aware of the full implications when having  surgery, although I had read that I should always make any medical professional aware of the diagnosis. The doctor I saw was very good and explained what could happen so going to ITU afterwards is a precaution, and he hoped I would be out by Sunday (surgery on Thursday). Also, because of being tipped up during the operation (which I didn't know about) there is a danger my lungs could be compressed and more prone to infection. So coming home my mind was going round and round - I have only just got over the shock of the cancer diagnosis and coming to terms with having the surgery and I really did feel quite panicky. I have spoken to my daughter who has reassured me that it is quite routine for higher-risk patients to go to ITU for initial recovery and I have reached out to the support group for myasthenia and had similar reassurances. So I am now starting my own personal lockdown with just Smiffy the cat for company (just need to train him to make tea on demand!) and trying to keep my mind on the positives.  I might even break into the Christmas biscuits I stocked up on ahead of surgery to go with the tea I will have to make for myself. And breathe!

Oh bless you Dreamer, I can understand the worry, but be assured the professionals have weighted up your circumstances and are prepared. You will be in good hands and it does feel so good when the 'thing' is out of you!

One thing my hospital gave me was a spirometer to help my lungs reach full capacity. It was to ensure my lungs could be kept clear and function to full capacity and basically it's just about taking very deep breaths and releasing slowly, just a thought but may help you too??? What I did was few times a day I would practice with the device deep breaths and release slowly......when we breathe we don't expand our lungs fully, this method has many benefits and will get your lungs in good condition for the operation. The device was to measure how deeply you were breathing so you knew the score. A bit like the asthma one that measures the breath but you can do it without. Take a look on the web there are many sites promote deep breathing for many reasons from destressing to detoxing etc, just a suggestion, you have a couple of days to do this but don't overdo it neither!! 

Hoping everything goes well and you recover quickly, let us know how you are when you can. Xxx

Thanks - I think I've calmed down now. I have had no breathing problems with the myasthenia *although other sufferers have terrible troubles with it) and actually had a lung function test in May after a "nodule" had been found in my lung. My breathing was deemed perfectly ok and after a 4 month scan of the lungs I have been told that the chest doctors aren't too concerned about as it hasn't changed, and I will have a repeat scan in 8 months time. Then of course the recent womb cancer diagnosis and my mind  went into overdrive, thinking the 2 things were linked. The consensus seems to be that the lung thing could be signs of an old infection, and the womb cancer appears on the scans to be contained within the uterus and has been caught very early - as a result of the full body PET scan I had following the lung finding. Being told I will probably wake up in ITU after the surgery was just another thing I have to absorb into my psyche but others from my myasthenia support group have had surgery and say that it is mainly done as a precaution as the anaesthetic can affect the muscles that control breathing. I do have faith in the medical team and know they are doing this for my benefit and hopefully this time next week I will be home and worrying about how much cheese I should order for Christmas. Actually one of my main concerns is the effect all of this is having on my daughter. She has been amazing and is a very strong woman but the last couple of years have been so tough. As a nurse she worked all through the lockdowns, then after supporting me and my ex-husband through losing our son last year as well as coping with her own grief, my ex then broke his ankle badly and had a 2nd heart attack (he's recovered well now) and she had to do a lot for him as his partner has mental health issues and won't leave the house. February 2022 was her 40th birthday and we had a great day celebrating and looking forward to a more positive year but 2 weeks later I was in hospital being investigated for a stroke after suffering double vision and drooping eyelids. 2 CT scans and an MRI showed no evidence of that but it was a few weeks before they diagnosed myasthenia which was a relief as it is something that can be controlled but not cured. It is a very variable condition from day to day (and actually even throughout the day) and can even go into remission or crisis. Luckily I don't seem too badly affected and the medication I take controls it very well, but we are advised to avoid over-exertion, excessive heat (as in this past summer), and stress, and that last one seems to have gone out of the window in the past few weeks! However, I do feel much better today for having got it all out of my system and having had a good night's sleep (amazingly) so I am just going to get on with getting my bag packed, and making sure everything is in order at home for cat-feeders etc.

Thank you for your thoughts and good wishes (and to others who have replied too. It really helps to not only hear of other women's experiences and the practicalities of the illness and operation/recovery, but also to have a safe place to air my worries without putting too much burden onto my nearest and dearest.

Hah! I've just re-read my post and decided that if this was a storyline on Holby City (is that even on tv anymore?) I would have turned it off as being too far-fetched! 

Well, I've been in and am now out (only in for 48 hours), and more importantly, fingers crossed. "IT" is out. I feel such a wuss with all my worries but realise it is only natural. I can't believe how pain-free I feel - just a bit of soreness (usually when my bladder/bowels are full) but I was worried I would be totally unable to do anything on my own. Trying to follow all the advice though and taking it easy but also trying to get up and move for a few minutes every hour. The consultant came to see me and explained they had to do a small abdominal incision as well as the laparoscopy ones as the womb was quite large but he felt there were no signs he could see that it had spread through the muscle wall but obviously I have to wait for histology results now in a couple of weeks The myasthenia condition was managed extremely well by the anaesthetic team and although they had booked an ITU bed for recovery "just in case" it wasn't needed. It's great to be back home, although Smiffy the cat welcomed me at 5 a.m. this morning with a live rodent which he let go somewhere in my bedroom - so back to normal then. I couldn't be bothered to think about it at the time so just put a live trap down and went back to sleep. I think it might be behind the wardrobe but I'm obviously not going to try to move that. Thanks everyone for their kind wishes and reassurances. It's such a help to be able to offload to people who understand how you might be feeling. My daughter has been amazing but she has had 2 viruses (virri?) recently (one covid) so she is absolutely shattered and this is the ;last week in her current job so she has a lot of handing over etc to do and can't really take any time off for herself. Still I have plenty of food and teabags/milk so I hope she doesn't feel the need to come over every day as it is a 40 minute drive each way.

Hi dreamer, it’s good to see you now that you’re out the other side! I had my op back in January and was also pleasantly surprised how pain-free I was. I just took a couple of paracetamol at bedtime the first 2-3 times “just in case” but never needed anything in the daytime. I also started walking 5 mins twice a day right from the afternoon I came home. All I’d say is listen to your body - and that goes for being active when you feel like it as well as for resting when you need to. All the best for your continued recovery.