It's been a long time since I've posted here. I felt strongly that group members were being unduly critical of my anxiety levels. Now, I find myself back. Really, I've nowhere else I turn to even vent, be angry, the full gamut of emotions.
I'm scheduled for a CT scan in about a month which is never off my mind. However, I'll be alone going this time. In mid-March, my husband of many years died suddenly. He's just returned from picking up a couple of things from the shop and lie down for a nap. I lie down beside him for a nap as well. I don't know what brief length of time passed, however, I called to awaken him. I couldn't. At that point, I called emergency services and they attempted to resusitate him. They truly did their very best and I have nothing but admiration for them. I can't begin to explain what my husband of many years passing has meant in my life. It just isn't worth living. I spend my time crying and sleeping. He was the rock in my life and nothing I can say could begin to explain what his passing means to me. Life is a blur of sleeping and crying in complete disbelief. I keep thinking that he'll walk in the door and I'll hear, "I'm back" yet I'll never hear those words from him again. He wasn't old, had no known health problems, and now he isn't here anymore. My faith, I believed, would sustain me only that isn't the case. I'm forever anxious and so bitter. My daughter, with whom I had reconciled, was there for a couple of weeks yet now has resumed her life as have those other family members and friends. Life goes on for them. My life ended that day. I see no point in continuing with any treatment without him, no point in much except sleeping and getting up to go back to bed because of the anxiety and grief.
Hi Jan. I can't begin to say how sorry I am over the unexpected passing of your husband, you must be truly devastated and I'm sending you a loving hug over the airwaves. I have been trying to help my brother-in-law over the past 18 months cope after the loss of his wife.
You will get there Jan, it'll take time but we are all here for you. I'm slighly surprised by your opening line, if anything I felt the ladies here were and still are very supportive of you - I am anyway! I'm sorry to read after your reconciliation your daughter has resumes her family life. Reach out to her and tell her you need her
Why not phone the Macmillan Support helpline , freephone number shown below, and have a chat.
You could also contact Cruse Bereavement Support http://www.cruse.org.uk/
Sending hugs, Barb xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
